What do I do? My parents won’t allow me to marry the man I love


I come from a Christian family. I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm miserable. It's a very long story, hope you can bear with me.

I'm 29 years old. Two years ago, I committed fornication with my boyfriend, whom I had known for about two years at that time. We just started a relationship not long ago when this happened. We were both virgins. We knew each other in church. When we began our relationship two years ago, my parents didn't really like him because my parents felt he didn't pursue me the way they expected a man would pursue their daughter. For example, he didn't buy me dinner after asking me out, paying for my drinks, etc. I feel I was really stupid to tell my parents all of this. Although I was disappointed at that time, I could still understand him, as we were not in a relationship yet. But after we were together, he did pay for my meals, etc. I was very happy with him.

He did ask my father's permission to start a relationship with me. My father told him to go slow and wanted us to get his permission when we go out, so we did. But we were not allowed to go out for long hours. I remembered there was one time, we went out. We both were not working, we just went to church to serve and after that went shopping at a nearby mall for a while. When we got back, my parents were not happy with us for going out for such a long time and had a talk with him. I felt it was so unfair. We both were adults. I was 27 years old then, he was 29 years old. We didn't do anything wrong. I have always been a good and obedient daughter. When we were still friends, I could go out however long I wanted to be with anyone, but I didn't go out late or simply go out with any man even though I could. I am not the wild kind. Why do they want to make my life so difficult? My boyfriend felt it was unfair for both of us that my parents treat us this way.

A few times, we went out longer than my dad allowed. My dad sent a text message to him telling him not to see me anymore and also told me to stop the relationship. We began to date secretly. That was when we fell into sin. After that, my boyfriend wanted to reconcile with my dad and ask him for permission to allow us to be together again. He wanted to marry me. Things really didn't work out that way. One night, my parents brought me out to their other apartments -- just the three of us. They began to ask me whether I am still seeing him and told me to tell them everything honestly before God. I was so stupid to confess everything to them. When my parents heard what we have done, they were furious. They took my phone away, forced me to break up with him, made me confess, and promise God that I will not see him anymore. I tried to contact him. They found out again. My mother cried and wailed. She didn't want to eat for a whole week. She wanted to die because I was not a virgin anymore. I was so so scared and depressed. We really wanted to stop fornicating and fix this. We want to get married. But now, it seems we are forbidden.

That was what happened two years ago. We are still together secretly. He didn't want to marry another lady. He just wants to be with me, but our situation is killing both of us. We miss each other so much. We stay in contact through Skype and he bought me a secret phone. We hardly can meet. Mostly we meet after work for a few minutes, then I have to get home because my parents would keep calling me asking where I am. I am not allowed to go out. Every day, I go to work, then I have to go home. I work for my parents. If I want to go out anywhere for a movie or walk, I have to ask my brother to accompany me; otherwise, they will keep calling me and scold me. They say God gave me parents to protect me. As long as I am still not married, I am under my parents' protection. What kind of protection is this? My mom even said to me it's OK if I don't get married, she will leave some money and a house for me. But I want to get married. Why can't they give us a chance to be together?

I feel like running away many times, but I don't have the heart to do this to my parents as it will grieve them. I love them and I know they love me. Why can't he be given the chance to take care of me? He didn't use my body like my parents always said he did. I know we both sinned because we're not legally married. My parents always tell me this man just wants my body. but he is not like what they said. He really want to marry me and take care of me, but my parents wouldn't allow us to marry. He is not the kind of man who just wants a one-night stand and doesn't want the relationship. They told me if I marry him, they will disown me as their daughter. I know we are wrong for committing fornication. We really want to do what's right as we cannot undo the past, but he is not allowed to do the right thing - to marry me and take care of me. We just want a normal relationship. What should I do? My parents just want me to forget about him and move on, but I can't. Why are they forcing us to separate? Is it because we have sinned once, so this is the consequence we have to bear? to be separated forever?

Please, help me.


If you are an adult and ready for marriage, why are you letting your parents run your life? "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother ..." (Genesis 2:24). That is also true for the woman. What you two did was wrong. Neither of you had any business having sex when you were not married (Hebrews 13:4). However, there is no reason you cannot get married. If your parents don't want to approve of the marriage, then that is their problem. It will be hard for them to get to know their grandchildren when they act that way. If you allow the threat of disinheritance to stop you from marrying, then you are saying that you value money and your parents over the man you claim you love and want for a husband. You really need to stop letting your parents run your life because you are responsible for your decisions.

And regardless of your parents, what is most important is that you and he go to God and ask for forgiveness for your past sins (I John 1:9).

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