Was it wrong of me to tell my friend that he didn’t deserve his girlfriend?
Question:
Greetings,
I use this site a lot and I really appreciate your helpful, biblical answers and guidance. I would humbly like to ask if you can help me deal with an issue that has happened to a close friend of mine.
My best friend is currently engaged to his girlfriend of several years. and they have an infant daughter together. For the first several years of their relationship, he constantly lied to her, got caught cheating with other women, insulted her weight, but he stayed with her because she was his sole source of financial support. Over time, I think he matured and began to love her because of how good she was to him, and now they are engaged. I am not perfect, but I am a member of the church, and I have been longing to find a good woman and to get married, but I am having no luck. I am honest, faithful, and genuinely treat my girlfriends well but have no luck finding a woman who appreciates it. I take responsibility for that and say that maybe it's my fault for not selecting good girlfriends.
Anyway, we were having a conversation and I told my friend that he didn't deserve his girl. I said that he treated her very badly and that it was pure luck that he happened to have a girl who would still stay with him and take care of him despite all that he had put her through. His girlfriend is very naive and gullible and still doesn't know the full extent of all the things he did behind her back. My statement resulted from the fact that I am frustrated because I try my best to treat women right and get nowhere, while I see guys like him treat women like dogs, and the women love them unconditionally.
Needless to say, he was offended by the statement. All I could offer was that I maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I stand by my feeling that he didn't deserve her. I tried to explain that I didn't necessarily mean to offend him because we are all recipients of things we don't deserve first and foremost is God's mercy and forgiveness. Nonetheless, I am now soul searching as to whether my feelings were wrong, and as to whether I was wrong in general for mentioning it. If so I will be man enough to admit my error and apologize to my friend and pray for forgiveness for my thoughts. Any advice you could offer on the subject would be greatly appreciated.
Answer:
Your motivation was wrong, in that you weren't trying to improve him. "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers" (Ephesians 4:29). What you said wasn't wrong. While he is doing better by the girl he got pregnant, it sounds like he has done nothing to get right with the Lord. He can't get to heaven while being in fornication (I Corinthians 6:9-10) or by lying (Revelation 21:8). That should be where you ought to show concern.
Perhaps she is a better woman than he deserves, but realize that she isn't the type of woman you would want at your side either. You want a woman who makes you a better man. You want a woman who respects you and whom you respect in return. There are reasons why she is sticking with a poor choice in a husband. I feel sorry for her. But don't envy the wicked. "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; My steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the boastful, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked" (Psalms 73:2-3). Read all of Psalms 73 to get a better perspective on the situation.
When you tell someone the truth in a loving manner, it may still hurt. The fact that someone doesn't like what you said doesn't imply that you said something wrong. There are things Jesus and the apostles said that got many people upset with them; yet those things needed to be said for the benefit of those who heard them. "Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?" (Galatians 4:16). How a person receives good criticism tells a lot about that person's character. "Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you" (Proverbs 9:8). A scoffer, someone who doesn't believe anything you say, hates to have his sins exposed. A wise man learns, even from things that hurt.
