The wife of the man I want to marry is preventing his divorce


I am an orphan, and I was walking close to God. I yearned for a life partner to serve God with but the one who came my way was a man studying to be a pastor who lied to me. He said that he was only one year younger than me and that he was divorced. Months went by as we drew closer emotionally. Then I found out he had lied to me and that he was only separated for seven years but not divorced. He was too fat, sick, and not good-looking, but I felt it was God's will until I found out he was not divorced. I told God that I hate Him because He had led me into such a situation and I couldn't let go by then. I pleaded with God to take my life, but he didn't. In fact, He saved my life from leukemia.

Immediately this man applied for a divorce. But I asked him to ask his wife if she was willing to reunite with him. However, she scolded him with all kinds of vulgarities and refused to sign divorce papers. It dragged on until he had lost thousands. Finally, he got his interim, but just before getting his final date, she appeared in court and accused him of having sex with her, so the interim was set aside.

By this time we both had become intimate physically, though not having had sex. We had planned the wedding. But now she challenges him that she will never let him get to me. She had an affair with another man even before the separation. She was the one who initiated the separation deed and has children from the marriage. She gets financial support from him, but not once in all these years did she seek to reconcile or even visit when he was hospitalized.

God spoke to us about our adultery. We have repented, but what are we to do from here on? Is God with us or with his wife who does not love him, spits on him, and calls him vulgarities to this day? We have suffered for a year already waiting for Him to solve this matter. Now it is restarting all over with her lies and false accusations. Please advise us.

I prayed to God to take me home if there is nothing good in store for me for I had never tasted a mother's love and had no one but dad who never was home. He threw me out of the house for trusting in Jesus when I was nine years old. I have been yearning for the right man but none work out. Now in my old age, he gave me a man who is nine years younger, a divorcee, and with so much heartache placed in my life. What should we do?

Thank you so much for helping us!


You were desperate to have a family -- desperate enough to take anyone who came along. Looking at the situation objectively you are dating a man who pretends to be a Christian, but he lies and dates women when he is still married. Instead of dumping the man when you found out, you got more involved with him and committed sinful acts.

You justify all of this by claiming that it is God's fault for putting you with this man; yet, it was you who chose to stay with him even after learning that he was not the Christian he pretended to be. You ignored what James said, "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone" (James 1:13). James goes on to prove that temptation originates from your own desires and leads people astray. "Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren" (James 1:16). But you continue to lie to yourself about this situation.

Because he is a proven liar, I have no trust in why his wife threw him out of the house. Her anger indicates that he did something awful that she holds against him. Every indication is that he is not a victim but the cause of his own heartaches.

Regardless, this man is not available for marriage. He was committing adultery with you. He did not file for divorce until after that event, so I would have to conclude that his adultery is the contributing cause of the divorce. As such he would not be eligible for a second marriage (Matthew 19:9).

My recommendation is that you find a good man for a husband and not settle for a man who seems to be a very poor husband.

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