Should I return the interests of a man who has past sexual sins?
Question:
Hi,
I came across your website looking for answers concerning someone I am interested in.
A good Christian guy has begun showing interest in me, and I've started liking him. He seems to have a deep and genuine relationship with God. When he talks about mistakes that he's made, it sounds like he is maturing a lot in Christ.
I recently was looking at his sister's Facebook account and found out that his family had a gender reveal for his baby. (I had no idea, but I've been wondering why he hasn't asked me out yet; now I know why!) I found his past girlfriend's mom's Facebook. She says that she was very disappointed to find out that her daughter was pregnant in her senior year of high school, but that she couldn't have asked for a better and more "genuinely sweet" man to be the father of the child. She said that he and his family have done above and beyond what's needed to help and support her. However, the guy has clearly been heartbroken by this girl, as in that it sounds like she does not want to be with him.
Is it a sin for me to pursue a relationship with this guy if he continues showing interest? Would it be a sin to marry him since he already has a child with another girl? Does it change anything if she was the one who seduced him, and he just wasn't strong enough to resist at his age?
Answer:
People make mistakes and some carry significant consequences. King David is a prime example, having committed adultery and had a man murdered to cover up his sin. Yet, when confronted with his sin, he repented (II Samuel 12:13), but he still faced consequences that lasted the rest of his life.
At the moment, you have too little information. You know he committed fornication and a baby resulted. What you don't know is whether she seduced him, he seduced her, or if it was mutual seduction. While you know he has admitted to mistakes, you don't know what he sees as mistakes. Was the fornication a mistake or does he think that not wearing a condom a mistake?
It would not be wrong to date this young man, but only if you are certain that he has repented of his sins and is determined not to repeat them. Even then I would advise that you keep your guard up. If he tries to get you involved in sensuality and sexual touching that you call things off immediately -- regardless of your personal feelings.
Later, if you do decide that you want to marry him, remember that you will also be taking on responsibility for his child and dealing with the difficulties that come from having to deal with his former girlfriend.
Response:
Wow! Thank you so much!! This was very insightful and helpful for me!
As to what he believes was a mistake: I am for sure he saw the fornication as a huge mistake. He knows that the baby is just the actual physical evidence of his sin, and now he has to deal with the consequences. I have heard that he is taking responsibility for his actions by supporting the girl and her family in various ways, even though they are clearly not together still.
I will definitely stay on guard and not allow feelings to get in the way. I have already told God that I want His very best for me. I am ready to take on whatever responsibility God wants me to and am willing to work things out if this is what He has planned, but if not, I am perfectly content to wait for someone else that God has for me. I know that this guy is a good man and loves God but whether or not God wants him with me is the question here. I will continue to pray and seek guidance in this situation and I would appreciate your prayers as well!
Thanks so much for your advice!
