Should I move out and work on myself?
Question:
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. We have lived together for seven of those years. We have no children. After a few deaths in my personal life, I decided I wanted to live right and rededicated my life to God. Two years ago he finally proposed to me, but we hit a bump in the road when he stated he wasn't ready for marriage. Due to my selfishness, loneliness, and hunger for a Christian man, temptation reared its ugly head and I had an affair. This isn't the first time I have cheated on my boyfriend.
Now I've come to a realization that what I've been searching for, with these affairs is actually a close relationship with God, something that no man on Earth could ever satisfy. My boyfriend is not a Christian; however, he started attending church with me a few months ago, and I've started to notice changes in him. I have since confessed to my boyfriend about my affair, and he decided to not marry me but stated he would like to keep living together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Needless to say, I am heartbroken. We have been through a lot together, illnesses, deaths, etc. during the past ten years. He even suggested that we could have a child together if I wanted. When I told him I couldn't do that, he only laughed at me and called me a hypocrite.
I am struggling with what to do right now. My spirit is tormented for what I've done considering I vowed to never cheat on my boyfriend again. I still feel guilty and have been praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me during this difficult time. The message I've been receiving is "Let go of how I am working on this and let God in." I have repented of my sins and have asked God to forgive me. I know I am going through a stripping process, and I thank God every day because I know I'll be a better person in the end. I feel like my spiritual growth is a priority right now regardless of what my heart wants.
My question is, should I proceed with moving out and work on myself? Is it possible to keep living with my boyfriend in this manner? I have even suggested to my boyfriend that we only date if I do leave, and he agreed to that.
Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.
Answer:
I know you would very much like to have God telling you directly what to do, but God said long ago that prophecy would end. "Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away" (I Corinthians 13:8-10). The perfect will of God, our Bible, (James 1:25) came long ago. It contains the complete information that God wants us to know (II Peter 1:3) and no other will be given (Jude 3).
Even knowing this, I sit in wonder that people who are continuing in sin, with no effort to correct it, act as if God is directing their steps. "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:4). You are committing fornication with your boyfriend. You continue this sin, even while claiming to be repentant of your sins. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You are grieved over committing fornication with other men while you continue to commit fornication with the man you are with. Dedication to a man doesn't make fornication acceptable. You are not married, and you are sinning against God.
Worse, you try to soften the sin by saying good might come out of it. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? --as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8). You even try to justify that you made a vow -- but your vow was to sin with your boyfriend while not sinning with other men. What kind of vow is that?
While your boyfriend is wrong in so many things, I'm sad to say that he is right about one thing. You've been a hypocrite. You have been acting as if you were a Christian without living like one.
If you want to follow God, then move out and start living righteously. "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him" (John 14:21).
If you want to marry your boyfriend, then tell him he can try to win your heart the proper way -- without sex until after you are married, and without you living in his house and taking care of his things. If he isn't interested in marriage, then look for a man who is interested. One who will love you for the person you are and not demand your body until he has committed himself permanently to you in marriage.
Response:
Thank you.
I appreciate your honesty and absolutely agree that I've been waiting on God to direct me. My indecisiveness has made things worse when I should have been living a righteous life before this mess. I read your reply to my boyfriend and we both agreed I should continue with moving out. We also agreed that I should move to the guest bedroom and sustain from having sex. I know this will be a difficult and long journey, but I'm looking forward to it.
Thank you again for your reply. I would recommend this site to anyone looking for biblical Christian advice.
