Should I marry the woman my brother once slept with?
Question:
First of all may God bless you for this site.
I committed fornication for the first time when I was at the age of 21 years. Since then I have not been able to control myself from fornication. I always have regretted doing it. I want to stop it, but I can't. The more I tried to put an end to it, the more I do it.
Please help me.
There's this lady I am going out with. I have started buying the necessary things that I will need to marry her. But there is this thing I am afraid of. I don't know if the wrath of the Almighty God will descend upon me if I go ahead and marry her. She lost her virginity at the age of 17 years with my older brother who was in his thirties and a married man too. She lost her father and she wanted to continue her education. My brother persuaded her and then slept with her with the intention of paying her fees for her. But he didn't after sleeping with her and breaking her virginity. It was before then that I meet her. What would God do to me if I go ahead and marry her?
Please help me.
Answer:
In regards to your fornication, you won't make much progress until you stop lying to yourself. You are quite capable of not having sex with women you are not married to. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13). The simple fact is that you are more interested in immediate gratification than in serving God. Until you decide that serving God is more important, you will always struggle, not only now but also after your marriage.
Whether you marry this woman is up to you. What your brother did to her was horribly sinful and selfish. But we don't live under Old Testament laws that might forbid this type of relationship. Besides the law forbade sex with the same woman by family members and I suspect from what you have said you already have been having sex with her.
"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
Question:
Thank you sir for responding to my message.
Truly I did sleep with her. Please help me learn to put God first. I don't like the fornication that I am doing. Based on your reply, I am very confused and scared. I don't know what to do next to gain back the love of God. Please tell me what to do to avoid the judgment of God, not only by being with the lady but also by getting myself in fornication. Again if I should continue to marry her, what would God want me to do about that struggle you spoke about?
Please help me get out of this, please.
Thank you.
You are not being honest again. You need to stop having sex until you are married. Thus, you know what you need to do. If you don't want to commit fornication, you have to stop getting yourself sexually aroused. See How much sexual stuff is too much?
