Should I marry the man I’ve already had sex with?
Question:
Hello there!
I am emailing because I’ve been in turmoil this past month. Recently, I’ve felt that the Lord has strengthened my conviction to follow him. I plan on hopefully being baptized by the end of the year.
My church is very Protestant; they believe in purity, and I’ve heard many stories of those who get kicked out for committing sins such as fornication. I have had a hidden boyfriend for three years, but recently, I broke up with him because I felt that my relationship was not done in the correct way that God wants us to find love. I found this man without God and, in some ways, despite God.
However, now that I have left him, I miss him. He is the only man I have ever been with, but he does not hold the same beliefs as I do. I fear that because of his views, he would pull me away from God, not that he doesn’t believe in God (but he has no desire to search for him more).
I do not feel comfortable with the possibility of remarrying in the church as I am no longer “pure” and feel that would be unfair to someone who has saved themselves for marriage. I think the right thing would be to marry the man who has known me or never marry again.
I put it in the Lord’s hands but would like other opinions. Am I doing the right thing?
Answer:
I'm glad you are looking to improve your life because you've been putting on an act of following Christ for too long. You mentioned that you've been having sex with a man for three years now. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Fornication is incompatible with Christian living.
Baptism is not something to be put off to a time you find convenient. It is your entrance into the church and a covenant with God. It is the point at which you are saved from your sins (I Peter 3:20). This is why when people find out what God requires, they do not delay. "For He says, 'At the acceptable time I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you.' Behold, now is 'the acceptable time,' behold, now is 'the day of salvation'" (II Corinthians 6:2).
Who you marry is up to you. I can't tell you whether he will be a good husband. All I know is that, like you, he hasn't been living according to the Lord's commands.
I find your use of "remarrying" puzzling. Your note indicates that he is the first man you've been with, so that would indicate that you have not been married before. Having sex with someone doesn't make you married. (See "Does premarital sex make you married or cursed?")
