Should I leave my controlling husband?
Question:
Before I married my husband he had set up a living trust which stated that all his earthly possessions at the time of his death will go to his family members other than his wife. As we got married I did not know about it. He then has asked me to quit my job and stay home. Reluctantly I obeyed him. He then became psychologically abusive, and very controlling, withholding many things. He has left me home numerous times while he went elsewhere overnights, on weekends, and even to other states and countries.
I have no access to any money, my name is not added to any bills. I practically have no voice in anything. I am abused in many ways by intimidation, sarcasm, lowering self-esteem, and so on. He said that if I don't like it I can go. He knows that I can not go because I have no place to go or money.
He said that when he dies then I can be free to do whatever I want. He does not believe that I should be provided for after his departure because he is already providing for me now. He has provided me with a credit card which he monitors. I have enrolled in a local college, so I can get a well-paid job to provide for myself. I feel as I am in slavery and not a marriage.
There are no subjects that we talk about or interests that we share. Regardless of how much I have tried to have a godly marriage, it is all in vain. I feel as I live with a stranger or even an enemy. He told me that he does not love me and that I am his responsibility for now, but as soon as he dies I no longer will be his responsibility. I know that God commands husbands to love and to provide for his family. He does not want to. What should I do? Is divorce permissible? He does not want to go to church with me, and he does not want to pray with me. Being married is very important to me but I want a marriage on God's terms. I feel that I should follow I Corinthians 7:15.
Answer:
Almost all your problems are of your own making. I assume from the way you worded you note that no children are involved or they are now out of the house. Go and get yourself a job. Open up a bank account, if that makes you feel better, and start saving your wages.
You should know that in most states a husband can't exclude his wife from his assets after death. So go talk to a lawyer and see what can be done in advance of his death.
The Scriptures do not state that a husband is a dictator in the family. He was given the role to lead the family and care for it. If your husband is violating his responsibilities to God, then it falls upon you to do what you can to take up the slack. Go read Proverbs 31, starting at verse 10. Realize that no one, besides yourself, is stopping you from being productive.
"So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" (Ephesians 5:28-29).
It appears your husband is content to live with you, so I Corinthians 7:15 doesn't apply.
