Should I dump my boyfriend because he keeps pushing for sex?
Question:
I've been dating this guy for over six months now. When we first met, he seemed very dedicated to God. I loved the way he always spoke about God and seemed to have God first over everything. We even use to fast together! We started dating, but only saw each other once a month in special church gatherings. He lives several hours away, so I didn't see him much.
About three months into our relationship he came over for the first time, and we were involved in petting and touching each other sexually, but we did not have sex. I regretted it afterward and told myself I wouldn't do it again. I explained this guilt to him and he said he understood. But then he came back a month later and the same thing happened. I first told him I didn't want to, but he pushed me and was very persistent, so I ended up doing it. Again, I regretted it. A month later, the last time I saw him, we had sex. This was several months ago. and we are still together and doing perfectly fine. But I repented of what I'd done and renewed my vows with Christ. I vowed to live a life in purity from that moment on. and I feel it's so different from all the other times because before I regretted but didn't repent, now I've repented and refuse to live the same life.
But my boyfriend insists on talking about sex when we are on the phone. He always says sexual comments and tries to seduce me into phone sex. Keep in mind, he is also Christian. and I have told him I am withdrawing from all sexual activity. I want to live pure, but he continues to say sexual remarks and I am getting tired of it. I want to seek God and he's pushing me to fall. I said we aren't having sex when he comes again next week and he says he's still bringing condoms.
I want to dedicate my life to Christ and I desire a man who is also dedicated to Christ. My boyfriend puts money and his job before God, I want a man who puts God over everything.
So what do I do? Should I end it?
Answer:
"You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).
Your boyfriend might call himself a Christian, but his actions clearly state that he is anything but a Christian. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
From the first time you met him, he involved you in lewd behavior. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). Even when you told him "no" the second time, he did it anyway. Knowing now that you would not resist him, he committed fornication with you.
Since then he was been talking sexually with you and getting you at times to have phone sex with him. "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7). You've always given in to him, even when you say "no," so he is ignoring your words. He knows that it won't be long after he gets there before you and he will be naked and having sex.
In other words, his actions and words have been very consistent. He is only interested in sex and he'll bully his way into it if he must. You, on the other hand, have been very inconsistent. You say you want to be pure and righteous, you tell this boy no, but you always end up consenting to sin.
Your vows were foolish. You were essentially vowing to do what God already told you you had to do. When you do this, you are basically telling God that obedience to Him doesn't really matter until you promise to obey. That is putting you in the driver's seat instead of God. It doesn't matter whether you vowed or not. Lust, unclean talk, lewdness, and fornication are all wrong no matter what you say or think about them. The real question is when are you going to submit to God? "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:3).
You should have thrown this guy out the very first time he touched you inappropriately. There shouldn't be a question about him -- he is bad news. Dump him, end all contact with him, and to make sure when he comes to town next week see to it that you are somewhere else. You have to make your actions consistent with your words. Don't seek to find a compromise with a sinner because any compromise you reach means you've entered into sin.
