Now that my wife left me for another man, should I give up living for God?

Question:

I've been divorced over a year and a half. My then-wife started an affair with another man. We were married for almost a decade and been together years longer than that. I discovered the affair, by accident, seven months after the fact via emails and Facebook. How ironic, as these are social web sites are Satan's minions. A week later she moved out. After many months of trying to reconcile to no avail while she was openly living with another man, though still married, and lying to us that she just wanted time and space to herself, I served her with divorce papers. A year later, our divorce was final. After seeing the effects of divorce on me, especially spiritually, as I wanted to follow what God says (albeit painfully against my gut feelings ringing alarm bells). For example, I understood divorce even when there is adultery is not mandatory and that it would be better to forgive. She pretended she wanted to work things out. I was so stupid! Our pastor, who also was our Christian counselor, really cared for her and me, but she deceived us both. When I look back now in trying to reach out to her that what she was doing was wrong to God and me.

I believe that unilateral, adultery-related divorce is nothing short of hell, worse than even the death of a loved one. I have experienced loved ones dying, but with death, there is no willful betrayal, rejection, or abandonment, and you don’t see the perpetrators carry on with their lives without remorse.

I am very lonely. I normally can spend time by myself and also don’t have an unnatural drive to want to have sex (albeit I do enjoy companionship and a sexual relationship within marriage). What I miss especially is the companionship, the friendship (she was my best friend), the reading of the Holy Scripture together, the knowledge and findings we used to encounter while sharing reading the Scriptures every day. There is nothing more spiritually gratifying than reading the Scriptures and encountering the richness and truths contained in Christ with the one you love, care for, and hope to start a godly family with. Many times we saw truths in the Scriptures and we thought, "I never knew God said this or went into so much depth on a particular topic." This experience that God gives within the realms of marital union is not the same as being in fellowship at church, which is also good and required as well. This is what made what she did to me the more grievous as I know she knows the Scriptures very well but found the courage and boldness to go against her conscience and the truth of God in her conscience and His Word.

Though I am very lonely, my next question is: Am I still required by the Lord to live a pure and holy life regardless of the violent spiritual evil that has been brought upon me by Satan and my ex-wife? My friends tell me to go get laid, as this will alleviate the pain. After all, I can always pray for forgiveness as God should understand. I know they are right (in regards to curbing my loneliness) but I know it also is a sin. I don’t know how long I can hold out for before falling into temptation. Hence, I have been taking receptors that shut down my hormones for any sexual desires. Sometimes it doesn’t work, as I venture into pornography sometimes out of rebellion for God allowing this. I don’t have to want to start having sexual urges because I know what it would lead too eventually -- fornication. I would rather hurt myself, such as affecting my fertility by taking this stuff, than sin against God by seeking the opposite sex and deluding myself first that it will be only friendship and nothing else, which will lead to many sins by opening up many temptations with the opposite sex. And not to forget all those around me who look at me, noting that I am dealing with this well and not even falling into temptation. But, sir, inside me I'm dying and going insane on what has happened.

I did not want to be in this situation as I prayed and begged God to help reconcile the marriage and not let Satan win, but it fell on deaf ears. Satan readily won, and now he might win again because I am struggling so much with being idle. By the way, I lost my job as well in the process because of the emotional trauma. I wasn’t performing well at work. It’s not much consolation when you're in a pressurized environment and knowing another man is with your spouse, and they are both ruining your life thanks to Satan, my evil, treacherous ex-wife, and the man. They ruined the marriage and secondly made me lose my job in the process. The worse to come from Satan is the feeling that God is not helping at all but instead, the events only got worse the more I prayed against the situation.

Sometimes, sir, it’s hard not to think that maybe there is no justice with God at all in this side of heaven, and it’s probably better to live your life how you please and protecting Numero Uno first "ME" and not expect God to help you all the time as He is not obligated to. As the saying goes God helps those who help themselves (not scriptural I know). But in my case, if I had followed my gut feelings, I would have faired better instead of submitting (painfully) to what the Scripture says hoping that the spouse would come to a realization and also God, if perchance, might help and make us become better Christians through this immense pain. Alas at every stage Satan got the victory.

I see on your web site that you pay a lot of attention to purity and holiness. It seems to me sexual, lust, relationship, and marital issues might be the reason why most souls will be in hell separated from God as this is what the world celebrates and has no law against. For example, there are consequences for murder but none for adultery.