My husband left his third wife for reasons other than fornication. What do I do?
Question:
My husband has been divorced. I read some of the topics about divorce and it really scares me. My husband was divorced three times. The first two divorces were filed because his ex-wives were cheating on him. But the third divorced is different. It was filed because it wasn't working between his ex-third wife and my husband's daughter (from his second wife). Other than that his third wife had mood swings that brought conflicts that lead to their separation. She was always complaining.
They were separated for one year. After one year he filed for a divorce. It took another year before the divorced was approved by the court, but before the divorce was approved his ex-third wife already went with different men, even when they were still separated. (We didn't know each other yet at that time.)
I'm a Christian. I belong to a denomination and believe and wait for the Lord's second coming. My husband doesn't have a religion but is willing to accept Jesus Christ as his personal Savior.
But, I'm so worried now of our situation, about his divorces, especially the third divorce, because this is not due to fornication, even if later his third ex-wife went with different men before the divorced was approved. It was not the reason for filing the divorce.
Every day, it disturbs me so much. I almost have an ideal marriage, my husband is ideal for me, and I am happily married. The only thing that bothers me now is his past. I don't have peace of mind regarding this matter. I want my husband, our future children, and I to be saved in the Lord's second coming. I am so afraid that because of this our names in the book of life or a chance to be saved for his second coming would be terminated. I am so afraid that because of this, my loving husband and I would be thrown to the lake of fire.
What must I do? I don't have the peace of mind anymore. I want to bring my husband to the feet of Jesus, but how can we do it when we are already breaking one of His laws? They said or the Bible say that breaking one means breaking all the laws.
Only my husband, I, and God know about it. My family never knew about it, even my beloved mom because I am afraid to see their different reactions since they are devoted to their beliefs.
Minister, please enlighten me. I need a friend whom I can share and express my feelings and what bothers me. I'm so afraid that God will punish us. Did we commit continuous sin? Did I commit adultery? I love my husband so much and he loves me so much too. Please help us.
I am looking forward to receiving a letter from you soon.
Thank you so much for your time.
God bless you!
Answer:
I hope you understand that I'm limited to delivering the message of God. I cannot give you my personal opinion or make applications based on feelings. "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (I Peter 4:11).
In regards to your husband's third wife, Jesus warned, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). Because he refused to remain married to her, he was the cause that led to her committing adultery.
Since he had no right to marry again, you are in adultery with him as well. "So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18).
If you wish to obey God, then your only choice is to leave this illegal marriage. Because it wasn't proper in God's sight, you can marry someone else, but make sure that this time you marry someone who has the right to be your husband. For the future, realize that a man who has gone through three divorces typically doesn't make a good husband.
Your current husband has only two choices. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I'm sorry that his past choices made a mess of both his life and yours.
