My husband and I lived a very sinful life, but now we want to change. Is our marriage still valid? Will God forgive us?
Question:
I need your advice, please? My husband and I recently started reading the Bible. We were both members of our families' churches, growing up, and had a Christian wedding. We seemed to have stopped praying along the way and stop going to church ended up with the wrong group of friends, drinking, and doing drugs. Now that we started reading the Bible together, we feel very disappointed in ourselves as we feel convicted by God to stop doing the things we had.
My question is when we were away from God and with the wrong group, we ended up fornicating together. We had a threesome and I was with another man during this threesome. My husband wanted to see me with him and I as well lusted for him. Does God think we need a divorce? Will God forgive me? Will our marriage still be valid in God's eyes? What can we do?
Answer:
I'm glad that reading God's Word has touched your hearts, though I'm saddened by the depths of depravity you allowed yourselves to sink into. Just because a person was raised in a Christian environment, it doesn't follow that they embrace Christian values.
Yes, you did a lot of awful things, but you are never trapped by sins because God made a way out. "Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin" (Romans 6:3-7). I don't know what religions you used to be, but the place to start is to become Christians according to God's standards and not men's. It means making a number of changes to your lives. They will all improve your lives, but they can seem difficult while you are changing.
It sounds to me that you both thought of yourselves as Christians, but it was only a name; it wasn't a conviction. I would like you both to read How to Become a Christian. I'm hoping that you will see that while you might have done some of what God had asked, there are holes in what you actually did (or did not do) that need to be patched with your new found understanding.
In regards to drinking, drugs, and adultery, they must stop and it won't be easy. "Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles --when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3). Much will depend on your determination to change.
When a married person is involved in adultery, refusing to stop or change his ways, then God did give a provision so that the innocent party isn't trapped by the situation. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). Jesus did not say that marriage had to end because of adultery. In fact, because of another verse, God would prefer that the adulterer stop his foolishness, and the couple repairs the breach. " "For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously" " (Malachi 2:16). Sadly, the fact of life is that some people just will not let go of their sins, so in the case of continuing sexual sins, God allows an ending of the marriage that permits the innocent party to remarry, if he so chooses.
None of this applies to your situation. You were both guilty of sexual sins, and you are both wanting to leave those sins behind. It's past time you start living for God and find out what life is really about. If you need help in making that change, let me know roughly where you live and I'll try to locate a preacher nearby who can help you.
