My ex-mother-in-law made my husband divorce me
Question:
Hello,
I’m a minister of the gospel as well as my “ex-husband.” He and his mother -- yes, his mother -- divorced me about several years ago. He and his parents lived together before we were married, and we never had to an opportunity to live with each other. His father died last year and his mother died this year.
I know what the Bible says about divorce and he definitely sinned. I just want to know from you, scripturally of course, what you think, and I do a lot of research as well. I was just thinking about this situation and was pondering on the consequences of his sin. I do believe that he is separated from God. He may have asked God for forgiveness, but he didn’t repent. He said once that he wanted to discuss things with me, but he didn’t call me back. The Lord shows me through dreams and visions current and future events. I am praying for reconciliation. Is he cursed until he repents (reconciles with me)? I know the answer from Scripture but would like to know from you.
My family and I believe that he will not be blessed and has set himself up to be spiritually separated from God. I also believe that the Lord is working out things in his life to convict him of this great sin, especially since his parents aren’t around to lead him into sin.
His mother confessed to being a Christian, but the spirit of her fruit doesn’t bear witness. The divorce was unscriptural. He and his mother went to court and she said told the judge that we never lived together. Of course, we didn’t because she didn’t let him. My husband allowed his mother to manipulate him as there were signs of spiritual witchcraft and manipulation. She had the spirit of Jezebel, and my husband was cheated out of becoming a man. She felt threatened by our relationship and broke up the marriage. My lawyer showed up to court and said I wasn’t there, because it was against my religion to get a divorce. The court granted a divorce on the grounds of incompatibility. I didn’t go to court because that was sinning and to show them that I wasn’t going to be in that junk. I want the anointing of God to continue to flow in my life.
Answer:
There are so many issues raised, it is hard to know where to start, so here are
Woman preachers
See Teaching Unpopular Doctrine
God's attitude toward divorce
Divorce is not what God wants of anyone, for God says, "Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously" " (Malachi 2:14-16).
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Divorce is not absolutely forbidden, but in the rare times it happens, the husband and wife are still bound to each other unless the divorce was because of fornication. Otherwise, the only options are to get back together, stay single, or wait for one of you to pass away.
Are parents involved in a marriage covenant?
His mother did not divorce you. When your ex-husband entered into a covenant with you, it was between you and him alone with God as a witness. God does not say that a mother or any other person is a part of your marriage covenant. The truth is your husband did not care to respect you and would not follow what God said and clung to his parents.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
"And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6).
Your ex-husband did not care to follow God's commandments; in that way he did sin. He did not treat you properly as a wife. A man is no longer under the authority of his parents but making his own family when he marries. A big part of marriage is leaving father and mother and be united and hold fast to his wife. God joined you two together. Sadly the two of you let other people separate you.
Whose fault is it?
It appears you chose a bad husband. I imagine there were signs before you two decided to get married that he wasn't leaving his mother and father. Women tend to have the hope that men will change once they get married. How did the honeymoon go if you had no place to stay, or when you came back did you go separate ways? You share the responsibility that this marriage did not go well. He does not show godly traits, yet you call him a minister of the gospel. If you two did not plan on living together after getting married, I am confused. Why did you even get married? This was a sin on both your parts because you purposely made it so you could not fulfill God’s commandment to “leave and cleave” to each other. The issues were there before the marriage. There were warning signs and now you and your ex-husband will have to live with the consequences rest of your life.
Keeping your word
"But what do you think? A man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, 'Son, go, work today in my vineyard.' He answered and said, 'I will not,' but afterward he regretted it and went. Then he came to the second and said likewise. And he answered and said, 'I go, sir,' but he did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?" They said to Him, "The first." Jesus said to them, Assuredly, I say to you that tax collectors and harlots enter the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him; but tax collectors and harlots believed him; and when you saw it, you did not afterward relent and believe him" (Matthew 21:28-32).
"Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.' But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one" (Matthew 5:33-37).
Even though the first quote is a parable about the Pharisees and sinners, it still holds a good lesson. Keeping your word to each other is important also in any type of relationship, especially with God. What is sad is he doesn’t seem like he is putting forth the effort, as he did not call you back, but I don’t have the whole story. Not following through on even small things, such as calling someone back, shows we are not trustworthy or reliable.
Can people still prophecy?
A prophet cannot go against what God has already taught in the Scriptures. I see you claim to prophesy even though God said it ended a long time ago. I'm not sure what point you were trying to make with this anyway.
See:
Curse: What is the Bible's definition?
"Curse" is an interesting word. I'm not sure you understand what it means. For more information see:
Being cursed is being apart from God in a sense; it is when God's hand is against you. Blessed are those of us who are in His saving grace because God’s wrath is not against us.
Does reconciliation have to happen?
Reconciliation ought to happen, but there is no guarantee that it will. You both have made a covenant by getting married, and it doesn't appear that either of you took it seriously. You both need some in-depth counseling by a good Christian who has a good head on his shoulders. Both of you need to learn what it means to be truly married to another person if you are serious about being reconciled.
Attitude toward your former mother-in-law
One of your issues is with his mother. Even though she is now dead you berate her, call her evil, condemn her, say she used witchcraft and it was all her fault. You need to stop lying to yourself about the situation. Stop blaming other people for your ex-husband’s decisions. Let him take ownership of his wrongdoings, stop treating him as a child as his mother did in the past.
One of the major things men dislike with a passion is a nagging woman. Do you think he wants to hear how much you hate and belittle his mother, especially now since she is dead? Let me give you an example, my grandma from my dad’s side was a bitter old woman till the end. My dad was not blessed with a mother who loved him and cared for him as she should have. I loved my grandma very much, but she still died a bitter person. But when I talk about her to someone I don’t dredge up all the bad and evil things she did, especially to my father. But rather I remember and help reconcile the good times we all had with my grandma and grandpa, and how sad it is they did not come to know God, and that it makes me sorrowful to know another person who won’t be in heaven with me, especially when it is family.
You should leave the mother subject alone if you can’t talk about it in a proper fashion. It will cause division between you and your ex-husband because it’s still a sore subject. She is no longer part of the living; it is time to let go of such issues. As the old saying goes when people bring up stuff that is over with and done but still want to dwell on the past, we say, “stop beating the dead horse.”
Is going to court bad?
Is it a sin to go to court? God made laws and the court system in the Old Covenant for the Jewish nation. Even though in the New Covenant we are under a different set of laws, God says we are to abide by our government rules as long as they do not contradict Gods laws, since He put them in place (Romans 13:1-7; Acts 4:19-20; I Peter 2:13-25). Even though I disagree with divorcing for any reason as our judicial system allows, there is nothing wrong in going to court and defending yourself, and fight for the marriage.
Paul appealed to Caesar, and let us just remember their court system wasn’t God honoring at all. That is why Paul was in chains (Acts 25:11-12). Your assumption that it is wrong to defend yourself is not correct. When God’s servants are called to court we should go, not only defend but to speak the truth, to let people know about God as Paul did by appealing to Caesar. He spoke in front of quite a few leaders and preach the gospel to the High Priest, the Sanhedrin Council, King Agrippa, Governor Felix, etc. No matter what happens God can use an evil situation and turn it around for His glory (Romans 8:28). Even in a divorce court, you might have at least the opportunity to give a message to people who might not know the Gospel.
That "junk" ended your marriage. I understand your point of view but there was no harm in going. By not going you encouraged the end of your marriage.
Is salvation at stake?
Are your souls in danger? Well, when we lose focus on Jesus, as it seems both of you have and pursue our own interests and desires, we start sinning against God. You have lost sight of the point of God's calling for each of you and have become consumed with bitterness. You have an obsession with past sins. Your ex-husband and you are bound by covenant to each other. The only options you have are to reconcile or stay single.
If you want God’s blessing in your life, set your eyes back on Jesus. Realize that Jesus is the common ground we all stand on. He is a God who can sympathize with you for it says, "Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:14-16).
May I suggest that instead of turning to your family, romance him back in a relationship with you? Ask him out on a date and say, “let us get to know each other again.” Don’t mention his mother, and if he does let him speak. Don’t become consumed with a dead woman, but realize he is the one who left you.
Sadly, he might not want you back. It can hurt a great deal knowing the man you married no longer has any desire to be with you. But whatever the outcome you must do what is right with God. Start by being concerned about your own life. Once you get back on track and remove the plank out of your own eye then moved forward to helping others (Matthew 7:1-5).
Consider the advice in the book of Proverbs:
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones" (Proverbs 12:4).
"A gracious woman retains honor, but ruthless men retain riches" (Proverbs 11:16).
"Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman" (Proverbs 21:19).
Change always starts with yourself. You can’t control the other person, but you can control your own actions. Many times the reason people turn to Christ is because of a spouse, friend, or family. s Christians are to be godly influences in the world by their behavior. I do encourage you to set your eyes back on Jesus and from there life can start moving again for you.
