My boyfriend broke up with me because of a “deliverance ministry”
Question:
My (ex)boyfriend, about a month ago, called an online live deliverance session. Basically what happened was that this pastor had delivered him from "sexual demons." She also said that he should end our relationship because it was not from God. I also called in a couple of days after discovering his session because after hearing my (ex)boyfriend's session I was very upset. He had done as she said and disconnected himself from me and would not talk to me. We were in a long-distance relationship, so it was tough for me. I thought maybe she was right about our relationship because we did fornicate and we had lived together without being married for a time last, which I know was wrong. What bothers me is that a couple of days after I was "delivered," I started questioning things. I found your site with many helpful questions and answers about similar subjects. I also read people's testimonies in other places who have been delivered by the same woman pastor, which seem like they are healed from their sinful sexual desires, and I believe I am too, but I am not quite sure if this pastor is genuine. In one of your Questions and Answers, you talk about how "People who claim to be removing demons from a person's life are basically playing on people's fears while practicing fakery" and that there are no names of sexual demons in the Bible. You also mention to "Quit seeking to excuse your own sins by trying to blame your poor choices on nonexistent causes."
I am just confused as to what to believe now. I have repented and asked for forgiveness for my past sins, specifically those committed when I was with my boyfriend. I don't know whether I should take any advice from this woman pastor, or if she has some truth to the existence of sexual demons that claim a person as a "spirit spouse" that causes sexual immorality. Was my relationship with my then-boyfriend really from evil sexual spirit spouses? She also mentioned my clothes had spirit snakes on them, which I know are clothing that were not modest at all and revealing, so I did get rid of the clothing that was not modest, but are spirit snakes a real thing?
There are a lot of things that bothered me about this "deliverance ministry." First was that it was a woman who calls herself a pastor. Second is how I can't find anything in the Bible that confirms "spirit spouses or sexual demons." The third is how she won't answer questions through text, but we must call on her deliverance phone line. And last of all is how she changed positions regarding our relationship when I called in. My boyfriend called in first and she told him God said to disconnect from me because the relationship did not come from Him because we met online. We did not use a dating site, so I don't know where the issue is from God that we met online and became friends first. When when I called she said after we are both delivered, then we can talk about marriage. She made no mention of anything like that when she was speaking to my boyfriend, so where did that come from?
Personally, I would love to be with my boyfriend again. I know that if we work hard to not sin, as we did before, keep God as the foundation and focus on our relationship instead of selfish wants and needs -- that we can have a future together. But then he still believes this woman is of the Lord. I have been praying that he could see things biblical instead of listening to the words of someone who I don't get a good feeling from. There are some things that he personally doesn't like in me. I was a very immature person and I don't think he believes that I have changed or that I am willing to change more to become that Proverbs 31 woman. But I believe that is another issue entirely that can be worked out through communication with him.
I just have a lot of confusion about this. Am I just being stubborn? Maybe this woman pastor has a stronger connection with the Holy Spirit than I do. Maybe God really did tell her to start this ministry. I see the things she has done for others in helping them and those people seem to be on a good path. I want to believe she is good, but then I look at what has happened. My relationship with God is better than ever. I am seeking Him and wanting Him more. But my relationship with my boyfriend fell apart, mostly I believe this woman helped push him to break up with me instead of communicating with me to fix our problems. But those four points that bothered me earlier are things I can't get over. I am afraid I will start seeing more things that will push me to believe she is not a woman of God, and that my (ex)boyfriend doesn't see it. Right now I have decided to not contact him for about a month just to give him some space and to not constantly message and bother him at this time and to work on myself even more.
I hope to hear from you soon, I know your answers are biblical-based, which I enjoy reading. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope all is understood.
Answer:
The woman claims to be a pastor, which is one of several terms for an elder or overseer in the church. "An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife ..." (I Timothy 3:2). A requirement for being a pastor is that person is a male married to one wife; therefore, this woman is a fraud.
The Bible says the prophecy ended when the New Testament was completed (I Corinthians 13:8-10). See: What is your proof that prophecy has ended? for details. As you also noted, she got details wrong when she did not know that both you and your ex-boyfriend had called on two different days. This is something God would never do. Like most hucksters, she is good at telling people what they want to hear. As a result, they don't stop to question what they are told. He was thinking of leaving you, so she gave him a reason to do so. You want to marry him, so she gave you hope that it may happen in the future. Therefore, she is not a prophetess, nor is she getting information from the Holy Spirit.
Her claim of sexual demons and sexual snakes is imaginary. It has no basis in the Bible. Thus, she is adding to the Scriptures (Proverbs 30:6). Therefore, she is not teaching the gospel. "But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed!" (Galatians 1:8-9).
You and your boyfriend had committed fornication and that sin needed to be addressed because God warned: "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Whether you and he will get back together is really up to him to decide. Right now he prefers the words of a fraud. Even if he realizes he has been lied to, there is still the matter that you two had problems in your relationship.
You were dressing immodestly at one time and that had to be addressed. "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments" (I Timothy 2:8).
I'm glad you've made improvements in your life, but you did so because of the words of a fraud instead of doing so because of what God said in His Word. Stop taking the words of men as truth and start demanding book, chapter, and verse for the things you do. It requires more effort on your part, but it is necessary. "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness" (II Timothy 2:15-16).
