Marriage Again and Again

by Hugh DeLong

Clear back in the first century, people had marriage problems. Actually, from the beginning of humanity! My wife and I have been watching more British TV shows, and it seems like everyone is in an unhappy marriage. They are unhappy being married to the person they were head-over-heels in love with, the one they vowed to spend their lives together with. And then… life happens. Things change. They change.

Everyone who studies I Corinthians 7 (and the related passages on marriage and its relationship responsibilities) is tempted to write another book on how to have a happy-ever-after marriage. The basic answer is always the same – love one another as Christ has loved you. Ephesians 5 explicitly charges the husband with this. But love is to go both ways. This is a ‘put the other first’ kind of love. A selfless love. A love that seeks the best for the other person even at the expense and discomfort to self.

It is not just toughing it out. It isn’t just staying married. Rather, it is having a mutual love for one another. Writing yet another book on the subject is hardly needed. Besides, statistics repeatedly show that husbands don’t read such books! And that is a typical behavior that causes the problems.

So, back to the sex. It is part of the relationship. A God-given part of the relationship. It is to be held ‘in honor among all people’ (Hebrews 13:4). But it is not the whole or even the greater part of the relationship. The important aspect is developing a relationship of trust, respecting and esteeming the other person, and serving the other person. It is a partnership in a life of serving God together. Above all, it is not about self.

What would I recommend reading? Perhaps you can start by reading and applying all of the relationship teachings to yourself. Preachers constantly talk about how brethren are to treat one another. Start there, and apply it in the most interpersonal relationship that you have. Love one another with a pure heart, fervently. Start now.