I am 23 years young, Christian married mother of one and I was so upset with the comments you made about these young kids who are having sex. Unless you are God Himself, which I highly doubt, you should not be judging and make them feel foolish about the choices they make. It's people like you who make young tweens and teens not turn to God for help because of fear. We want them to feel loved, not stupid. Yes, I agree that the choices they made were wrong and premature. But now what? Let's congratulate them on becoming whores? Yes, it's kind of bad, but how could you say something like that? You don't know what she's dealing with. Let's toss the Bible at them and drill it so they will have no choice, but to feel alone and turn themselves where? Not to the Lord, but to where they felt good and safe. These kids came to you for advice. They needed a question answered and you did that with shame added to it.
"Don't seek revenge or carry a grudge against any of your people. Love your neighbor as yourself. I am God."
"You insult your Maker when you exploit the powerless; when you're kind to the poor, you honor God."
"Mercy to the needy is a loan to God, and God pays back those loans in full."
"This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples--when they see the love you have for each other."
"Then His disciples came and said to Him, "Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?" But He answered and said, "Every plant which My heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch."" (Matthew 15:12-14).
I wonder what you would have said to John as he greeted the multitudes: "Then he said to the multitudes that came out to be baptized by him, 'Brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance'" (Luke 3:7-8). Yet it appears that the multitudes didn't mind it; they came out in droves just to hear him speak in the middle of nowhere.
You are quite mistaken that I scold because I have something against those who write to me. Unlike you, I understand my duty to my God. "When I say to the wicked, 'You shall surely die,' and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul. Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die; because you did not give him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood I will require at your hand. Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man that the righteous should not sin, and he does not sin, he shall surely live because he took warning; also you will have delivered your soul" (Ezekiel 3:18-21).
I understand that my duty is to get people to change and leave sin behind. You will not find an example where I congratulated someone for behaving like a whore. I couldn't figure out which reply got you upset, but here are the ones where I used the word "whore":
- My boyfriend and I plan to get married so is oral sex wrong in our situation?
- How do I get my boyfriend to be honest with me instead of hiding things like his occasional drug use?
- The man I am seeing is married. How do I fix this problem?
Since you felt the need to misconstrue what I have written, I am left wondering about the desperation of your position that you feel the need to lie to bolster your argument.
A preacher's job is "I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching" (II Timothy 4:1-2). Let me direct your attention to the word "rebuke." It means to censure, warn or admonish. It is necessary at times to tell people that they are wrong otherwise they have no motivation to change. It means, at times, causing people to be sorry. "For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death" (II Corinthians 7:8-10).
"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed" (Hebrews 12:5-13).
These young people write because they know that I love them so much that I am willing to give them the truth, even though it might hurt. So many are wanting to feed them mush that they don't trust what they are being told. And I don't blame them. Following the truth isn't always easy. "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me" (Matthew 10:38). I was laughing when I read your accusation that I was driving teenagers away from the Lord. It must be the reason the web site is currently getting 3,500 visitors per day and there are days that I get more email from people -- including teens -- than I can handle. It must explain why a few teenagers have traveled across the country to talk about the Bible with me; or regularly engage in instant messaging online just to ask for advice about something that happened to them that day. But then there are notes, such as the following, that keep me going:
- Waiting for sex is difficult, but your web page got me to hold on to my purity.
- A thank you for publishing material on sexual purity
You mention that you have a child. He (She?) might be too young, but shortly you will learn that if you love your child, you are going have to scold him. You won't be worried about his fear of you, you'll be encouraging it because you know that fear is going to make him hesitate before doing something wrong and potentially harmful. That fear might just keep him from harm when nothing else works. For the same reason, I want people saved, not feeling good about themselves as they travel to hell.
I thank you for your prompt reply. You know I'm not here to tell you what your mission is in life, you know it already! I'm also not saying that tough love doesn't work. I have friends younger and older than me that didn't get the teaching when they were younger: The thought that sex will bring them love and satisfaction. Some teens are scared that if they don't give themselves up that they won't be loved. Yes, those are all lies, but at that point in time why can't you or I show them compassion? Of course, you're not going to congratulate them because they are having premarital sex. So you teach them. Teach them to treat their body as a temple. Uplift their spirit. There is no need to make comments like that. I have dealt with teens for a while and I know you don't need my advice. I just felt it was too harsh and I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry that she felt that it was ok to behave like that, that it was ok to degrade her sprit like that. I looked and looked for the comment you made and it seems that it has been changed. A girl wrote to you because she was having oral sex with her boyfriend she had swallowed it. She wanted to know if she could get pregnant for that. The format is all different and the answer is changed. So I can't show you proof other than her question. I didn't just read your comments on sexual relations, I also read your other stuff and sermons, which I like. So I'm not just drilling you and saying that your all-around bad and it seems that I am not the only one that thought you were too harsh. You're doing a wonderful job and you know where your place is with God, which is a wonderful thing, so God bless.
p.s. Please don't ever confuse or judge me and say I don't know where my duty is to our God. I know He is my Saviour and He loves me and all his children good or bad, and He told us all to have compassion and love thy neighbor and love your enemies. Just because I choose to show love doesn't make me any less of a Christian!
As typically happens, I find it interesting that you are quite willing to throw all sorts of accusations out, but then turn around and say people ought not to judge. You can't have it both ways. What you are doing is the very thing James condemns. "Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge" (James 4:16).
Let's see, in this note, you claim that I'm not compassionate when I do as God directed. You state that you are not here to tell me how to preach, then you proceed to do just that. You claim that I altered some answers after your accusation to cover up, but again without evidence.
Allow me to address that last one. Since I'm the only one who updates the web site, I know what I work on. It wasn't hard to locate the note you referenced. "Can you get pregnant from oral sex?" was written on 5/29/2007. The only alteration to that file occurred when I changed the design for the web site in January 2008. I did make a few corrections to the formatting today when I looked at the file because the new format didn't transfer correctly. The contents have not been changed -- I keep records and backups. The fault must be in your memory of what was actually said. You expected something else and now that I've directed your attention to it you are certain that something had to have changed. I know the files haven't changed, so I'm left concluding that your perception changed.
In regards to this and your prior note, I do make judgments and form conclusions but they are based on what you have said. What upsets you is that I'm pointing to those things and telling you that they are not right. That you would have worded your response to the person differently is neither here nor there. I would expect different people to use different approaches. My point was that the approach I chose was accurate and biblical. You should not sit in judgment on a servant of God because you personally did not like the approach. "But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written: "As I live, says the LORD, Every knee shall bow to Me, And every tongue shall confess to God." So then each of us shall give account of himself to God" (Romans 14:10-12). Remember, these people write because they have read my past answers -- not your answers.
If you find an answer that you believe to be biblically inaccurate, I would appreciate hearing about it. But if what is bothering you is what you assume I feel and not what I actually stated; well, you lost your point. The fact that some people don't like the answers is expected. "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household! Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known" (Matthew 10:24-26). I hope you noted that I publish the objections as well as the "thank you"s. About the things that don't make the web site are:
- Notes so profane that I can't clean it up and have any content left.
- Notes promoting another person's web site.
- Most notes that contain no real question -- especially if they are long.
- Notes that ask the same thing already addressed. These get answered, but they are directed to the prior answer.
Even with these restrictions, I rarely lack material to publish. The fact that there are objectors doesn't prove the answers were unbiblical or unappreciated.