Is it right for my parents to reject my fiance?
Question:
Hello Minister,
I started praying to God for a wife and stated the qualities I wanted each time I prayed. My prayer used to go like this: "Dear Lord, give me a woman who has a heart for you, one who would love me and be loyal, and increase my hunger for you. Make her be enterprising and be a great and loving mother to our children." Over a year later, I was jumping out of a failed relationship when a woman sent me a friend request on Facebook. I ignored her request for a week before I accepted it. As we got talking, she showed the qualities I prayed to God for. I gave her some money to started a business and she multiplied the money in three months. She is really spiritual, extremely jealous, and very prayerful.
After almost two weeks, she visited me. We ended spending the night together but nothing happened between us. In the morning she asked me if I was normal because I didn't touch her all night long. She fell in love before I followed suit. After some weeks, she couldn't hold it in anymore, and she pressurized me for sex. It was so intense that all my guards failed me. We slipped. After having sex for the first time, I expressed my sadness over the act, but she expressed satisfaction, claiming she didn't see me as a boyfriend but a husband. She is churchy; yet, saw nothing wrong.
I was sad in my spirit and doubted if she was my answered prayer. We started having sex every weekend. One day I got sick and had to be taken home. In the hospital, I told my parents about her and didn't hold back any information. My parents were disappointed in me and rejected her as a potential daughter-in-law. They disliked her and told me to get another girl if getting married is the plan.
Now they don't even want to hear her name. I have stopped seeing her, but I still have feelings for her. She called last week asking for my forgiveness because of how she pulled me into sin and claimed she had made her ways right with God. My parents have threatened not to support me in any way in terms of this lady. I still love her, and I am willing to marry her, but I am prevented by the lack of support from my family. In my community, your parents play a vital role when it comes to marriage.
There are times I feel like going against their will because sometimes I get the feeling that she is the one.
Is it biblical for my parents to reject my fiancée? If I marry her, will our marriage be doomed in light of the premarital sex?
May God grant you the wisdom to lead me aright.
Thank you for your time, even as I anticipate your response.
Answer:
Jesus told us that it isn't what a person says, but what he does that tells us most about their character. After all, people do lie. "You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16-20). I know you are enamored by this woman, and I think it is clouding your judgment.
You claimed you wanted a woman who has a heart for God, but from the time you first met this woman was expecting to have sex with you without being married. She "arranged" it so that she would spend the night with you and then was disappointed that you didn't have sex with her. All of this occurred after knowing you for only two weeks. Should this not have raised alarms?
Within a few more weeks she managed to get you so sexually aroused, that you lost your self-control. She had no regrets about it; instead, she viewed it as a way to tie you into a marriage to her. "This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, "I have done no wrong"" (Proverbs 30:20). It was only after you stopped seeing her and having sex with her that she claimed to have repented of her sin.
I can see exactly why your parents object to this woman. This would not the be sort of woman I would want a son of mine to marry.
Don't get me wrong. She isn't the only person who sinned. You allowed an unmarried woman to spend the night with you. Instead of seeing the warning signs, you continued until you were having sex with her. While you expressed regrets over what you did, it was a worldly sorrow because you continued to sin with her weekly. It would have continued if you had not gotten ill. While you know you sinned, I am left with the impression that if you had a chance, you would be in bed with her again.
Whether you marry her or not will be up to you. But please understand that neither one of you are marrying a faithful Christian. Because Christ is not the foundation of this marriage, it will be more difficult to make it successful. Understand that you will also be marrying against your family's wishes. That means that they probably won't be at your wedding, nor will they be there to support you when you run into difficulties.
The idea that there is just one person whom you are intended to marry is false. See: Do you think God created one special person for you? Nor did God send a woman bent on causing you to commit fornication. You choose who you want to marry, and you live with the consequences of that decision. Perhaps you both will turn around from the direction you are heading, that is something I can't predict, but I hope that you will think more about the choice you are making.
