Is God punishing me?
I have gotten very ill with a blood disease, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. Please pray for me to reunite with God, but I actually think that He has left me to die. It really does look like leprosy. I didn't mean to say what I did, but there has been no grace, nor can I feel forgiven.
What does the doctor say about your disease? Have you not read John 3:17? God isn't out to condemn sinners in the world -- they have done that to themselves. God is trying to rescue people from their sins. "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). This, then, is what we must believe: "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6).
Grace has been here for thousands of years. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a promise given to those who obey God. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).
"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).