I’m not happy about my girlfriend’s past and I’m afraid it might happen again
Question:
I have been with my girlfriend for about a year. We have known each other for about five years. I'm not happy about her past, and it scares me if she will ever do it again.
She had a boyfriend for four years, but it wasn't a really nice relationship. He treated her badly and also he was not mentally stable. Everyone use to say that she could do better, but she is a pushover. In the final year of the relationship, she had enough. At a party, she drank too much and had a one-night stand.
A couple of months later we were hanging out a lot and got close. I developed feelings for her, but she was still with her ex-boyfriend. I couldn't say anything because she was with him.
Then she traveled to see our best friend. She had sex with him for about three minutes, but she always tells me that "it just happened." Nothing "just happens," everything happens for a reason. She eventually said that she tried to prove a point, "That she can do better." She always tells me that she is sorry, and it will never happen again. I know she proves it every day. I know she loves me a lot. She cried multiple times telling me that it will never happen. But there is something in my heart that I feel that she will do it again. I'm just really scared and terrified. I pray every day to God to help me through this. I just want to trust her. That's it.
Answer:
You have reasons to be concerned. People don't often change their behavior unless there is a strong motivation. Would I be correct to assume that you and she are having sex? If that guess is true, then what is really worrying you is that she hasn't really changed. She is willing to have sex with whichever guy is with who shows her some kindness.
You are correct that sex doesn't "just happen." People who say that usually mean that it wasn't what they initially intended to do. It probably was true that she did not intend for sex to have happened, but she did probably try to prove that she could attract another man's attention. The problem was that her understanding of how to get a guy to like her is to arouse physical attraction. He saw this as an invitation to have sex. She excused it because the actual intercourse part didn't last long. What you fear is that you are no different and that it can happen again.
My suspicion is that what really attracted you to this girl is your desire to rescue her from a bad situation. It makes a man feel good to rescue a damsel in distress, but men forget that more often than not the reason a damsel gets into distressful situations is because of her own choices. While you can rescue her from the immediate distress, the fact remains that she can easily find herself back in another one. After a while, it gets tiring to constantly rescuing someone.
I have a question for you: Is she the type of woman you would want to spend the rest of your life with? I don't mean could she become such a woman. My question is whether she is the type of woman you can imagine spending the rest of your days with if she never changed.
Question:
She is not the type of girl who is willing to have sex with anyone. I know that for a fact.
The thing is that scares me the most is the fact that she doesn't think and just acts. We often talk about it. She always tells me that she will never do that.
Everyone predicted that one day we were going to get together. It actually happened and, to be truthful, she was part of my plan. She always had a thing for me but never had the guts to say something. Her plan was that once she broke with him she was going after me. She is really thankful for being with me and grateful. She always says that one day she wants to marry me and have a family. She is really looking forward to the future.
I do believe that people have baggage and no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and I'm not perfect either. I even have baggage and she accepts it. My past is not pretty, but she doesn't care and the thing she cares about the most is me.
To answer your question, yes, because she is a fabulous girl. Because she proves every day that she loves me. She proves it every day. I'm just scared that is going to happen to me.
Answer:
You'll have to explain what you mean by "I'm just scared that is going to happen with me." I've run out of guesses.
