I’m not certain if I should go through with this
Question:
I am 24 and facing a serious problem managing my thoughts. I know you are a preacher and expect you to help me with Scripture.
Several years ago I fell in love with a sister at a distant congregation. I exposed my mind to her, but then I was afraid. Later I called off my request. When I had enough courage to face it, she told me she was with another man. I left with so many regrets. I tried begging, but she said, "no."
Last year I decided to try elsewhere with the notion that the person I wanted has chosen by another person. This other sister accepted, but I have always had mixed feelings.
Three days ago, the first sister told me that what she said was a lie and that it was because she was in love with my best friend. Yesterday, my best friend told me he is in love with her.
I don't know what to do, how to approach them both. I can't study; I can't sleep. All I feel like doing is changing towns.
Answer:
Your first girlfriend states that she is interested in your best friend and he reciprocates. That is the end of the story as far as you should be concerned. Yes, you were once interested in her many years ago. Neither you nor I know anything would have come as a result of your original interest. We won't know because you called off your proposal, and though you since had doubts, that decision brought the matter to an end. Wish the two of them well, but you must move on.
If I understand correctly, you proposed to marry another woman, but once again you are second-guessing yourself in regards to if you did the right thing. I suspect that almost all those doubts arise from not wanting to close yourself off from your first girlfriend. If that is true, you need to realize the first girl is not for you. Her heart is with another man -- don't get in between.
I want you to think solely about this second woman. The question is: will she make you a good wife? Will she help you in your Christian walk? Will you be willing to devote yourself wholly to her? If there are factual reasons why you are not certain whether to marry her, then let's talk about the facts. But I get the impression that there are no real reason, just personal doubts which arise from your imagination of what life could be with another woman.
If I had to point to one thing that needs improving, it is that you need to be more serious about your word. "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one" (Matthew 5:37). To give your word and then take it back is not proper honesty. You should not be committing to things until you are certain that is the path you wish to go. Yes, later events and fact might make you realize that a chosen path is not the right one. When that happens, then you make corrections. But to commit and then withdraw because of personal fears and doubts is not proper behavior for a Christian.
