I am a 25-year-old married woman, and I am currently pregnant with my first child. My husband and I have been together for five years and married for over two years.
When we were first together, I was at a very low point in my faith. We were not abstaining from sex. I had read somewhere that watching pornography would improve our relationship, but little did I know how quickly I would become addicted to it. After dealing with the spiraling addiction on my own for nearly two years, I finally came clean to first my friend, then my husband, and then my family about my addiction. I also went to a local church to be prayed over and blocked as many porn sites as I could find.
For a long time, everything was great and I did not watch porn or feel tempted for many months. But within the last year or so, the temptations have come back. I have found that even basic social media sites and websites contain soft porn. Sadly I have messed up several times again, and the worst part is that I’m pregnant. Although I have taken measures to the point where I have come clean to my husband, deleted all social media/websites, and even blocked pictures and videos on my phone, I’m terrified that the damage has already been done and I have put a curse on my child because of my sin. I never thought I would revert back to watching porn, especially while carrying a child, and I’m scared that I have already failed as a mother and have set them up for hardship later in their life.
Is there anything I can do to change this outcome?
Thank you for reading this.
Pregnancy can really impact your emotions since your hormones are rapidly changing. Using feelings to make decisions is never wise (Proverbs 28:26), and relying on your emotions while pregnant becomes particularly difficult.
Notice that your fears are not based on what God said, but on what you imagine might happen. However, let's see what God says about the matter:
"The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).
Sins are not inherited. You are responsible for your sins. Your child, when he grows up, will be responsible for his sins.
While sins are not inherited, there is a problem with parents teaching their sinful ways to their children. You want to conquer this sin so that your child doesn't pick up your bad habits as he grows.
Thank you so much for your quick response. It means a lot as I have been quite worried about this for a while now. I’m glad to know that my sins will not affect my baby while they are in the womb; however, as you said, I know I must stop this completely in order to not influence them later on. I am determined to defeat this sin once and for all.
God bless you. Thank you very much for your help.