If I marry the man I’m living with, I’ll lose half my benefits

Question:

I married at 15 to get away from an abusive father. That husband had an affair with our friend. I forgave him and took him back. He did it again. I divorced him for adultery.

I later married an older man who was divorced, who committed adultery many times. I finally divorced him.

Fifteen years later I met a man, had a church wedding, and all of the glitter. After two years I found out he was still married and that meant I wasn't married to him.

I raised my children, raised grandchildren with autism, and took care of my mom until she died. It was over thirty years between the man I thought I married and the time mom died. I was single the whole time. After mom died, I almost did too. In a dream, my mom told me to get on with my life.

Later I met this wonderful man who had been married to one woman till she died. Now we are living together and I believe it's sin. I'm 60 and he's 55, but he says God brought us together, and He blessed our union. If we marry we will lose over half our benefits and cannot live on what's left. If I continue living with him, am I going to hell, am I going anyway because of fornication, or is there a way to marry in God's eyes and not lose our benefits? I really was lonely or would have never slept with him, but if I'm going to hell anyway then I have nothing to lose except heaven. Tell me what I need to do.