I want to repent and change my future, so should I dump my boyfriend?
Question:
I came to the United States when I was 14 years old. I used to be Baptist until we came to Utah and my parents converted to the LDS church. I'm currently not an active member of the LDS church.
When I turned 18, I started dating a young man. We stayed boyfriend and girlfriend for seven years and during that time he went to jail. While he was in jail I found out I was pregnant with his child; I was 21 then. Things didn't work out with him, so we broke up.
I focused on school and lived with my parents. I decided that I would focus on my child, career, and school. I made plans to put the Lord first, but I felt like a failure. I had short-term dates that never panned out. I've been with six men, so I said I would give up on dating altogether.
Two years later, out of nowhere, a man I had known for years called me, and we started dating. He is a great man, who is kind and has never done me wrong. But on our second date I slept with him (I feel like I initiated the sin). We are still dating. I've told him the truth about my past. I've gotten checked and I'm clean physically, but spiritually I feel like I'm a used-up harlot, and I want to change. I live with my parents and although my boyfriend wants to cohabitate, I declined. He doesn't see the wrong of having sex before marriage but says he will respect my choice and so far he is trying. But as soon as we start kissing, we sin. I really want to stop. I feel like the Lord is on the verge of turning His back on me if He hasn't done so already. We aren't worried about a pregnancy occurring because I had a birth control implant. (Is that a sin to have it?)
I really want to be with this man. I want to provide my son with a two-parent home as I had, but I know I'm to blame that he doesn't have one. I want to repent. I want to change. I don't want to go to hell and have my child follow in my footsteps. Should I break up with my boyfriend? I love him and I'll do anything to not condemn his soul. I need to know. I'm disgusted with myself and my behavior. I want to start going to church again. I've repented to the Mormon bishops but feel lost and judged.
Please help. Thanks.
Answer:
I can't help you with Mormonism since it is a man-made religion. See A History Lesson on Mormonism.
You talk about wanting to change, but it seems that you've made little effort to do so. You continue to do the things you know are wrong. While there is a simple solution to your sins, you don't even mention it. It is almost as if a marriage doesn't occur to you. This isn't a choice between having a boyfriend or not. This is a choice of whether you want to marry this guy or not. Either way, what isn't up for negotiation is having sex before you are married.
The problem with birth control is the very thing that you are doing. You ease your conscience about committing fornication because you figure you won't get pregnant. Thus, as long as there are no consequences to your sins, you don't have to think about it so much.
I do want you to notice that you blame yourself that sex started on your second date. You do have responsibility for what you do, but it is shared in this case with what he chose to do. He has no qualms about having sex with willing women. And while he says he respects your talk about not having sex, he knows just how to stir you up so you'll give in. You have to realize that since he doesn't see fornication as wrong, he'll continue to do this.
Talk is cheap. As Jesus asked, "But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46). If you want a better life, start living a better life. If you want to be a Christian, then start learning what God wants and start following Him. The problem is not that God may turn His back on you. The problem all along is that you've been turning your back to God.
Question:
Thank you for your response.
Marriage does occur to me, but I secretly don't feel worthy of it. I would love to be married to this man as he is wonderful, but why would he even marry me when I've already given what should have been between husband and wife to him, same with the others before him? I've mentioned marriage to him. I feel like I'm on a trial period until he feels it's the right time. How will I even know if he actually doesn't want to marry me?
Like you said talking is cheap so, I've decided to stop the fornication until marriage and made an appointment to have birth control removed. I don't know what my boyfriend will do, but honestly, I'm just done feeling used.
Thanks again.
Answer:
I don't know what he will do either. Either he will decide that you are too good of a woman to pass up and will ask you to marry him, or he will try to have sex with you again and if that fails, give up and find another woman willing to have sex without a commitment. One of the reasons for waiting until marriage to have sex is that it gives you a chance to see the character of the man who is interested in you.
You are wrong about not being worth marrying. Sex is only a small part of what marriage is about. Marriage is actually about companionship and working together to solve common problems (Genesis 2:18; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). A problem with having sex before marriage is that sex dominates the relationship. Couples involved in sex rarely get a chance to form bonds of friendship and companionship.
What you really need to do is stop selling yourself so cheaply. You are a woman worthy of being someone's wife. Therefore, wait for a man who is willing to prove his devotion to you by committing his life to you before you tumble with him in bed.
