I have a fear that I was baptized incorrectly
Question:
Hi there,
I know you’ve probably answered many questions like mine, but I’m just struggling with a lack of peace. I ache for peace, and I am praying for help. I doubt my baptism, and I just wanted to seek guidance. I do struggle with moral OCD, and I do think it’s my overthinking, but I want the freedom to know and believe that I am saved.
I was baptized for the first time when I was eight, and I wasn’t ready. I was more interested in the baptism pool than anything else. So I was baptized again at 14, and this time, it was for better reasons and because I genuinely wanted to be right in God’s sight. However, I still wondered if I’d been baptized in a pleasing manner, so I was baptized again at 20 in a bathtub during quarantine.
I know I had decided my life needs to be about God and for God. I believe Jesus died for me, and God forgives and washes us of sins in baptism. However, I didn’t feel different after my baptism. I still felt uneasy and anxious- like I hadn't done something right. Additionally, I grew up without understanding grace and justification. I’ve been wondering, did I not believe God forgave me at baptism? I knew that God forgives at baptism, but what if I didn’t trust Him to forgive me? And if I didn’t… do I need to be rebaptized? Did I not trust Him enough then, or do I repent and work on trusting Him now? I know He does not lie, but the fear is hard to overcome.
I am so afraid of incorrect baptism that it is overwhelming. I want to live in the peace and freedom that Jesus provides. I’ve been learning about our assurance in Jesus and want to believe I am among those promised this assurance confidently.
Please provide guidance if you are willing.
Answer:
Yes, you are suffering from scrupulosity. You think that God only accepts perfection, and you want to have no risks. Thus, you constantly review your past to look for the slightest flaws, which you then condemn yourself over and assume that God is displeased because they weren't perfect.
God never said He requires perfection. Instead, He says that any claiming to be flawless and without sin is lying (I John 1:8,10). He warns that expecting to be more righteous than God requires will lead to your ruin (Ecclesiastes 7:16). We are to work toward righteousness and holiness, but we know we won't make it. That is where God's mercy and grace come into play. I do the best that I can. When I make mistakes and sin, I apologize to God and continue striving to improve. It isn't about the past. It is about the future.
Everyone who becomes a Christian doesn't understand everything. Being a Christian is about continued growth and learning. Of course, you know more now than when you were baptized, but that doesn't mean you must be baptized again.
Confidence comes from trusting God, not yourself or the things you have done in the past. You can't earn your way into heaven. "By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 2:3-6). Are you doing everything you know to do? Then that is good enough for now.
