I got into pot and sex when I was young and messed up my life
Question:
I messed up my life when I was young with pot and sexual promiscuity. My life was trash and destroyed. I kept going as I felt I had gone too far -- to the point of being put in a mental institution and attempted suicide -- the point of no return. It was a nightmare.
I am middle-aged and in a living situation that is not legally marital or sexual, just under the same roof. I read online of the (at least) 27 deadly consequences of sexual sin. I felt I grieved the Holy Spirit, lost my witness, lost my reward, and the list went on to include the slippery slope and shrapnel of those around me who were affected. I was numb, trying to feel and then trying to suppress my guilt and shame from it. I am destroyed but would like to think that there was hope and forgiveness for me for my multitude of sins.
When I cried out loud that nothing mattered anymore, my family said, "Quit being so maudlin. Christians are supposed to be joyful." True, but only a fool and idiot goes around smiling when they haven't any hope in this life or the next. I need mercy. I pray there is some for me. It all matters or nothing does. If there were something I could have done, I would have, but it was too late. The damage and lies from hell were totally destructive at such a young age and so quickly.
I don't know what to do. I was baptized as a young teen and was so happy. Then I tried pot, then sexual immorality to get "love" from someone, was trashed, and took others with me. A whore. I was worth more but had no one to guide me. No father figure to tell me you are worth more and this isn't worth it. I went looking for love that was not love at all. It was fleshly lust. I found out too late. Now what? There is nothing left for me.
Answer:
It appears you are still thinking from a worldly viewpoint because you think you can't change. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
The whole idea of Christianity is that people can change. Jesus paid for our past sins so that when we enter the covenant with him, we can forget our past and focus on the future. "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).
Even after a person becomes a Christian and perhaps falls prey to sin, there is still a way to return.
"This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 1:5-2:1).
So, quit feeling sorry for yourself and moaning about the past that cannot be changed. Change yourself now because that is what God desires. "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). Old habits are hard to break -- but they can be broken! If you remain as you are, you are right, there is no hope. But you don't have to remain in sin. The only person holding you there is yourself.
