I just rededicated my life to God last week. One day, I was getting a massage and received a happy ending. I feel extremely guilty about it, but my mind still wanders off on it every once in a while. I am about to go to Afghanistan. What are the steps for me to get rid of this guilt? I went to church and asked God to forgive me, but I still feel guilty about it. Am I doing the right steps? I need some help.
The reason you feel guilty is that you allowed the person who massaged you sexually touch you and stimulate you to orgasm. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). The type of touch Paul was talking about is not a casual touch, but sexual touches. The reason touching another person, to whom you are not married, in a sexual way is because of the thoughts and actions that it leads toward. "What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:20-23). To put it bluntly, you were engaged in sexual foreplay with someone to whom you have no right.
While a massage can relax tight muscles, there are unethical people who use massages for sexual play. The reason is quite simple, the intense pleasure caused by orgasm causes people to desire it again. They use the pleasure produced by your own body to empty your wallet. "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed" (James 1:14).
Since sin was involved, you ought to feel guilt over the fact that you gave into temptation. Guilt is there to remind us about what is wrong. It is the people who have no guilt over past sins who have a real problem because they lack any motivation to change their behavior. I get the impression that you were not fully convinced that what happened was wrong. You vaguely knew it was wrong because you ejaculated, but the intense pleasure causes you to continually dwell on it. This is why I started with why what happened was sinful. Once you are fully convinced that it was wrong, it becomes easier to change.
"Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (I Corinthians 7:9-11).
The primary difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow is that the godly person does something about his sin. The worldly person merely wallows in self-pity but does nothing to change his future. I want you to read through "Are We Killing the Old Man?" and tell me what you learned from it.
Since I know nothing of your past, I don't know if you have done everything necessary to be a true child of God. Sadly, most denominations only teach a portion of what God requires of us. By leaving out some of what God has asked, they leave a lot of people in their sins, and yet fooled into believing they are saved. I want you to read through "How to Become a Christian" to see if you have really done all that God has asked of you. If not, then it is past time to start obeying your Lord.
If you find that you have done what you needed to do to be a child of God, but you fell into the trap of sin, then I want you to read "How do I cleanse my soul and forgive myself?" which talks about what needs to be done in more detail.