I’m in my thirties. I have never been intimate with a man. Last month, for the first time I actually had a hard time setting boundaries and was fingered by the man I’m seeing. I’m so upset at myself because I’ve been so steadfast my entire life to do no more than kissing.
I’m afraid because I was having a hard time resisting that this is considered a willful sin. I truly am having a hard time being celibate, which I was this entire time because I wanted to do things God’s way.
This only happened once but I am so afraid of going to hell because I believe this is considered fornication.
I feel like I’m considered a fake Christian and a hypocrite because I know better and just put myself in a situation because I was having such a hard time with this. I really have prayed for my entire life to meet a godly man who would marry me and I wanted to be pure. Intercourse didn’t happen but now I’m just not myself anymore.
No one is resistant to sin (I John 1:8,10). The Bible shows repeatedly that even the heroes of faith succumbed to sin once in a while.
What you did was wrong. You got involved in sexual touching and while intercourse did not take place, it was a form of fornication. So, are you going to wallow in the misery that you sinned like every other person in this world, or are you going to pick yourself up and work harder at being a Christian? "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16).
Most sins are willful; that is, most sins are done because we choose to sin. Hebrews 10:26-27 warns that if we willfully choose to continue sinning, then there is no sacrifice for sin. Jesus' death is for those who turn from sin (I John 1:9; 2:1). Yet, you can still choose to stop sinning.
The simple answer is to get rid of the boyfriend you led you into sin and find a better man to date. In regards to your own sin, change your behavior, change your attitude toward sin, and confess your sins to God.
Thank you for the thoughtful response,
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
There is a difference between "are" and "were." In Corinth, there were members who once were fornicators, but they changed. Thus, they are no longer fornicators.
From what I gathered, you sinned once. You now realize that you sinned and you've changed. But you are refusing to see yourself as a changed woman. You continue to apply to yourself the label for a sin that you have no intention of committing again. Sin does not have to be permanent. Read Ezekiel 18:21-32.