Question:

Good afternoon,

I’m in my thirties. I have never been intimate with a man. Last month, for the first time I actually had a hard time setting boundaries and was fingered by the man I’m seeing. I’m so upset at myself because I’ve been so steadfast my entire life to do no more than kissing.

I’m afraid because I was having a hard time resisting that this is considered a willful sin. I truly am having a hard time being celibate, which I was this entire time because I wanted to do things God’s way.

This only happened once but I am so afraid of going to hell because I believe this is considered fornication.

I feel like I’m considered a fake Christian and a hypocrite because I know better and just put myself in a situation because I was having such a hard time with this. I really have prayed for my entire life to meet a godly man who would marry me and I wanted to be pure. Intercourse didn’t happen but now I’m just not myself anymore.

Answer:

No one is resistant to sin (I John 1:8,10). The Bible shows repeatedly that even the heroes of faith succumbed to sin once in a while.

What you did was wrong. You got involved in sexual touching and while intercourse did not take place, it was a form of fornication. So, are you going to wallow in the misery that you sinned like every other person in this world, or are you going to pick yourself up and work harder at being a Christian? "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16).

Most sins are willful; that is, most sins are done because we choose to sin. Hebrews 10:26-27 warns that if we willfully choose to continue sinning, then there is no sacrifice for sin. Jesus' death is for those who turn from sin (I John 1:9; 2:1). Yet, you can still choose to stop sinning.

The simple answer is to get rid of the boyfriend you led you into sin and find a better man to date. In regards to your own sin, change your behavior, change your attitude toward sin, and confess your sins to God.

Question:

Thank you for the thoughtful response,

My concern is a couple of things. Many times I hear that people can think they’re Christian (go to church, etc) but will not go to heaven. I’ve heard the term ‘fake Christian’ and is why at times I’m afraid to make mistakes or say/do something wrong when I have been trying to follow God throughout my life.
Which brings my concern about what recently happened. In Corinthians, it talks about how to not associate with someone who is sexually immoral. The Bible says multiple times that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God and that God will judge them. I have been repenting from this sin but am afraid of these statements because I had been trying to be a godly woman and turn from sin and faltered despite always trying to turn to Christ.

Answer:

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).

There is a difference between "are" and "were." In Corinth, there were members who once were fornicators, but they changed. Thus, they are no longer fornicators.

From what I gathered, you sinned once. You now realize that you sinned and you've changed. But you are refusing to see yourself as a changed woman. You continue to apply to yourself the label for a sin that you have no intention of committing again. Sin does not have to be permanent. Read Ezekiel 18:21-32.

Question:

Thank you for your help. When I have read that last passage you listed (I Corinthians 6:9-11), I’ve always been concerned about this one:

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21)

Who is being turned away in this Scripture? How do I know I will enter the kingdom of Heaven and not be one turned away because of a past mistake that happened once, that I repented from and did not repeat? I think I have always had a fear of being turned away because of this scripture.

Thank you.

Answer:

When you are uncertain of the meaning of a verse, the first thing you need to look at is its context:

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you who practice lawlessness'" (Matthew 7:21-23).

Jesus is talking to people who claim to be his followers but are not living in accordance with his commands. In the parallel account, Jesus asked, "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46). This is not talking about people who broke Jesus' commands at times in the past. We all sin at times (I John 1:8-10). Jesus is talking about people who remain in sin and expect Jesus to save them anyway. They are people who make a practice of committing lawlessness.

What it really comes down to is that you don't fully believe that Jesus is able to forgive sins. You think he is like other people who say they forgive while continuing to hold the past against a person. God is not a man.

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