I don’t want to hurt the guy I’ve been having sex with by leaving him
Question:
I am so glad I came across your page and article. God bless you. I have a burden on my heart and I need an answer.
Some months back, I met a guy at church rehearsals one evening. I was supposed to lead a song but I wasn't getting the lyrics and key. He called me aside and coached me. From there, I took his number and he sent me audios and videos on how to improve my voice.
We later became friends and he would share personal stuff with me, including his sexual life, how he had engaged in sexual sin and was still involved in it. I was helping him and anytime he fell into it with a particular lady, he would tell me. He finally decided to let go of the lady and find his way back to God. I was helping him and told him not to try entering into another relationship until he was totally done with the lady. He said he wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage, and for some time, we lost touch.
After some months, he proposed to me, saying the advice I gave him caused him to rethink and work his way back to Christ, and that he wants to be with me. I was living a holy life and was still a virgin.
This year, I lost my virginity to him. I felt very guilty and told him I wanted to end things. He was pleading with me, saying he can't let me go because he prayed to God for someone like me, and he loves me very much. We continued to fall into sexual sin. He says that so long as it's with me, he doesn't worry since he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I, however, told him that I feel guilty and it's killing me spiritually. He says he wants to stop because it's affecting me and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he doesn't regret it since it's with me. I love him, but I don't want to continue fornicating.
I read an article today on how to stop sexual sin and the last part said to break any relationship with the person you have sexual relations. This part caught my eye. He's so into me. I don't want to hurt him because he has been through a lot in his previous relationship. He once told me I'll leave him shattered if I should break up with him.
I don't know what to do. I still feel guilty losing my virginity but his attitude makes me not to regret it. He's a good person except for the sexual part. Please, I know you're disappointed because I'm supposed to be a Christian who brings change, but please scold me and help me. Should I still break up with him? Please, I need a reply as soon as possible.
Thank you very much.
Answer:
I don't know which answer you saw. Typically, I tell people in situations like yours that they have two choices: leave the guy who is causing them to sin or get married (I Corinthians 7:9). Remaining in the current situation where you continue to violate God's laws is not an option.
From your mentioning rehearsals and leading a song, I conclude that you are a part of some denomination and so are already used to compromising God's teachings. See: We Are Simply Christians Without Being Members of Any Denomination. You Can Be Too! I hope you will consider looking into a church that stays closer to the truth.
One of Paul's warnings when trying to help others out of sin is to be careful not to get dragged into sin with them. "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted" (Galatians 6:1). You knew that he committed fornication and did not think it was wrong. He claimed to have changed his mind, but as soon as he made a sexual advance, you knew that he had not changed. All he changed was his excuse for ignoring God. He decided that fornication is not really a sin if he thinks he is going to marry the woman with whom he is having sex. Sadly, it is nothing more than a lie. This tells me that he is not a serious Christian. He does what pleases himself and then makes up excuses for his sins so he doesn't have to feel guilty about them.
Notice that you have accepted his lie as well: you stated that you don't regret your sins that you've committed with him because you also think that planning to get married someday makes the sins acceptable to God.
If that is the type of man you want to marry, then it is your choice. But I hope you could do better than this.
Question:
No, please, you don't quite understand me. I feel guilty for losing my virginity and hurting the church. My church preaches the truth and always supports holy living. I have not accepted the truth.
I was asking about an article I read. It was about ten ways to overcome fornication. The last post talked about cutting ties with the person with whom you committed sexual sin. I'm only asking if it happens that we are in a relationship, must still break it off?
I'm still in school, so I can't get married. Moreover, using marriage as an escape route for fornication is not the best. Please don't get me wrong.
Answer:
While you don't think marriage is the best way to avoid fornication, you contradict what Paul taught. "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. ... but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:2,9).
You are incorrect also when you claim that because you are in school that you cannot get married. There are many married people in school. It might be more difficult, but it is doable.
There is no article on La Vista's website about ten ways to overcome fornication, so I can't comment on its accuracy. But if you have no intentions of marrying this man soon and he is leading you into fornication, then the only solution is to stop dating men until you are ready to get married. You can't break up with someone with whom you are not in a relationship.
Response:
OK. Thank you.
