I don’t know if I should remarry my ex-husband or another man who says he loves me
Question:
I divorced my husband because he told me that I forced him to marry me and that he wanted to be free. He also committed adultery, which was the main reason I divorced him.
We have two boys. We decided to get back together and save our family. We are now living together again. He proposed to me and I accepted the ring, but I gave it back because I'm not sure if I'm ready to remarry him. He has done so many horrible things to me as far as cheating on me. I have even seen a video of him and his friends having sex with a woman together. I have been through a lot with him.
In the process of him doing all of these things to me, I met a really nice guy that was there for me when my husband left me. He was there for me when I was pregnant with my last son and my baby wasn't even his and he didn't care. Even though I went back to my ex-husband after being with the other guy for almost a year, I am still in love with the other guy. I love my ex-husband a lot, actually, I love them both.
I am confused and I don't know what to do. I know that having sex with my ex-husband is a sin cause we are not married. I also feel that because I messed around with the other guy while I was married, that was a sin as well. But a part of me feels I had the right to go and move on because my husband didn't want me anymore. So both want to marry me, but I don't know what to do. Can you give me some type of advice, please? I am about to tell my ex-husband that I am going to abstain from having sex with him until we get remarried if I decide to do that. The other guy is just waiting for me. He said he doesn't want to have sex with me and he will wait until we get married. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Answer:
While you complain about your ex-husband messing up your marriage, the truth is that your current mess is of your own making. You aren't following God's laws concerning marriage and sex except when it is convenient for you to envoke those laws.
You said you divorced your husband for committing adultery, but then said you committed adultery before the divorce as well. You have since lived with two different men since your divorce, the man you committed adultery with and your former husband. You claim to love them both, yet all I see is a woman who doesn't love God enough.
The problem is that you told me that you left your husband because of his having sex with other women, yet you don't apply that same rule to yourself. You tell me he was horrible to you, yet you choose to live with him unmarried.
Since I don't have sufficient information to say exactly what went on and why, what I am going to suggest is that you move out from both men for a while so you can at least think matters through. You need to get back into going to church and learning how to live a godly life. You need to get yourself more focused on being your sons' mother because right now you're giving them a lousy example of what women, love, and commitment are like.
When the emotional storm lapses, then perhaps we can talk about what really happened. If either man really loves you, they will wait. They ought to wait because you have more important things to get back on track at the moment.
