I can’t find anyone to marry


Dear Minister,

I've prayed, I've fasted, but I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone at church, so I need some help. I'm 31, I'm single and I have no children. I'm so frustrated because everyone I know is in relationships or they have kids. My unsaved friends are either all married or have partners or children or both. Everyone is so blissfully happy. I have never been in a proper relationship, except for the four occasions I slipped, fell, and committed sin out of wedlock. I repented and now I'm fully back on track, but I hate being single, and I'm not getting younger.

I have no problem submitting to a man of God, but I can't find one, yet a young man has come into our church. I've started to develop feelings toward him; however, he dropped the bombshell that he will move to another state as his girlfriend lives there. I'm so lost because I'm not imagining it but when he hugs me, he rubs my back in an affectionate way and he doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm lost because he's taken; yet, God allowed me to feel this way about him, and now we can't be together because he's not single.

I have no idea what to do and need help because it's destroying me.


"Truly God is good to Israel, to such as are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the boastful, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For there are no pangs in their death, but their strength is firm. They are not in trouble as other men, nor are they plagued like other men... Behold, these are the ungodly, who are always at ease; they increase in riches. Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been plagued, and chastened every morning. If I had said, "I will speak thus," behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children. When I thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me -- until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end. Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction. Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment! They are utterly consumed with terrors" (Psalms 73:1-5, 12-19).

Though you said that it wasn't your imagination that this man liked you; yet, the evidence is that it was. Let's suppose that he was flirting with you, then he was trying to be with two women at the same time, which is not a good characteristic for a husband. Rather, I suspect you read more into his behavior than he meant to imply. To say that God was responsible for your mistaken feelings is not proper. God doesn't prevent people from making mistakes and bad choices.

If there is no one in your church to marry, then consider visiting other congregations. Move to an area where there are more Christians and more chances to meet someone. Sometimes you can find someone in unexpected places. Areas where there are few single women often have men who would like to marry but can't find a woman. To want something, but then do nothing toward the goal you seek is a lazy approach to life.

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