I became a Christian after living with a woman for years, but I keep falling back into fornication
Question:
I was in a relationship with a lady for about five years. During that period I wasn't born again. I wasn't attending church and was doing what I want. During those years her lifestyle changed, which made me lose the love and trust I had for her. We ended up separating for some months.
She later changed her attitude and we came together again. Since then I have tried my best to gain the love and trust I had for her, but I still can't.
I am now a born-again Christian and have made up my mind not to sin sexually again until I get married. Because I live together with her, I am now stuck. I have decided to eject her from my room, but I feel guilty for wasting her time. But the problem is that love is not there anymore. I think I cannot live the rest of my life happily with her. What should I do to clear the guilt bothering me?
What worries me most is that because we live together I have been tempted twice and I have fallen into fornication. Immediately after doing it, I become regretful and ashamed. Will God forgive me and accept me? I have decided to eject her from my room to prevent any further occurrence.
Please, I want to serve God and abstain from sin for the rest of my life.
Answer:
You are trying to please God, please yourself, and please your girlfriend. It isn't working because the demands are in conflict with each other. It should be that God comes first in your life, but I suspect that what is really going on is that you no longer love your girlfriend and God seems to be a convenient excuse to get rid of her. Don't get me wrong, I want you to do the right thing, but as a Christian, you had no business living with and sleeping with a woman you were not married to. Of course, you ended up having sex. You made it too easy to sin. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
Can you be forgiven? Of course. All sins can be forgiven after the person stops the sin and repents. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
One of you must move out. Whether you later get married is up to the two of you to decide. But right now you are just using this woman. You are having sex with her when you know it is wrong. You have no intention of marrying her, but you live with her. From now on make decisions based on what God said and not what you feel like doing.
