How do you love a neighbor who doesn’t want you in their life?
Question:
I've lost my way. How do I get my life right with God again?
I was raised up to believe in God and I still do. Right now I believe that I have lost my spiritual compass along with my relationship with God. One thing I will never forget from God's word is "to love thy neighbor." And this I have done for a close friend over the years.
Recently we fell out. We've had more downs than ups, and she had betrayed me at one point for her own benefit. I ask friends and family for advice on our friendship and everyone has told me the same thing, to end it. To hear that time and again hurts.
Even though she has done all those things I still keep "love thy neighbor" in my head. I try to apply the Scriptures about friendships to ours. I forgave her time and again as God says in His word. Things will seem to get better but end up worst at the end.
A couple of months ago I moved away for college, and over time I missed her a lot. Since I've come back home, she has made little effort to keep up our friendship anymore. She got so annoyed with me asking her to spend time with her that she falsely assumes my intentions are for sexual reasons.
Despite how many times I tried to explain myself, she would not let me. The reason why I tried so hard to keep our friendship afloat is that I kept my faith. I've put a lot of trust in her to just throw it all away. I even put her needs ahead of my own, but she doesn't see that.
Now I try to erase her out of my life and focus on things that matter such as my education and God. But I find it hard to let go of this friendship and get my life back with God. I've realized that He should be my number one instead of others. But I don't know how to put Him first anymore. I feel like the connection I once had with Him I cannot get back. So how do I move on and forgive? How do I this?
Answer:
When you say that you've forgiven this person, is it because she has repented of what she did? Has she asked for your forgiveness? "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4). It sounds to me that you are trying to force something to happen by skipping steps.
When someone does wrong the important thing is to get that person back in a right relationship with God. They have to change their attitude toward the sin they committed and change their behavior. You, on your part, must be willing to accept them back, no matter how badly they've treated you. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32). But you aren't doing this as God does you. You aren't insisting that the wrong-doer change for the better. That is why things go from bad to worse. See: When I see someone sinning, is it wrong not to say anything? to see that in doing things the way you have been, you are not truly loving your neighbor.
Your faith in God should not depend on how other people treat you. You should treat everyone equally, but their response to you will be unequal. "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you" (Matthew 5:10-12). A rejection of you does not necessarily imply that you have done anything wrong.
People drift together and apart over the years as circumstances and interests change. One of the reasons people are encouraged to have many friends is that you will always lose a few. But if you are open to people you will also gain friends.
And your connection to God isn't gone. You've just let problems in this life get in between you and God. "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2). Start by seeking out God through His Word and apply His teachings to your life. "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). It isn't about feelings, it is about doing. "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does" (James 1:21-25).
