How do we fix our sin?
Question:
Good day
I strongly need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. We met in church, and we are Christians. We do everything together; we pray together, read verses together. We have a 2-year-old child, and now we are expecting again. We started living together this year because the situation I was living in at home was not nice, as my uncle is a drunk, and he hates me, for reasons I don’t know, as we’ve never done him harm. I felt that my daughter and I were no longer safe to live there. My grandmother also has no intention of fixing this, and I think she’s afraid of him, too. So my boyfriend insisted we come live with him for our safety. I don’t have parents; my grandmother raised me. My boyfriend also has no mother, but he has an absent father who’s now married to another woman.
We want to get married so badly. It is the only thing we talk about. We are both embarrassed about living together. It has reached the point where he refers to me as his wife. The problem is he doesn’t have money. We are the only Christians in our families, as our families believe in ancestor worship, which is why they insist on lobola. We both work, but we don’t earn much, as the money we make goes towards food, rent, transportation, and other essential expenses. We are content with what we have because we have a roof over our heads and never go to bed on an empty stomach. My family is constantly nagging him about paying lobola. The problem is he can’t afford it. I have spoken to him several times, asking him to get married in court or a church without their approval, so we can honor God and no longer live in sin. But he disapproves and insists he has to pay lobola because if he doesn’t, my family will never respect him.
We love each other so much, and I don’t know what to do anymore because this sin is eating me up, it's what I think about day and night, and it's stressing me because I know if we were to die today, we'd definitely go to hell. Please advise on how to resolve this, as I fear that God will not bless our marriage, even if we don’t receive blessings from our families and elders.
Kind regards.
Answer:
"Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46).
Take a look at the mess you have made.
- You have been having sex outside of marriage for years, even before you moved in with your boyfriend. You call yourself Christians, even though Paul said, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
- You were raised by your grandmother, which tells me that you have been dealing with your drunken uncle for quite a while. But now you are afraid of him, so you decide to move in with your boyfriend.
- Your boyfriend refuses to marry you because of his pride. He can't keep a man-made tradition, but to him, that tradition is more important than obeying Christ.
- To cover up his shame, he lies to people and calls you his wife. God hates lies (Proverbs 6:16-19),
Keeping traditions is not wrong, but it becomes wrong when they take precedence over obeying God. You know all of this, but you don't take any action.
I want you and your boyfriend to reach heaven, but you aren't currently heading in that direction. Both you and your boyfriend need to take your covenant with Christ seriously. It is more important than your personal preferences.
If you can't afford labola, then you can't afford it. Your country doesn't require it. God doesn't require it. I understand that your family wants the money, but that is greed on their part. Why? Because there is no set amount for labola. If they wanted to, they could set it to a small amount. Go get married. Perhaps later, when you can afford it, you can have a traditional wedding. At the moment, you have nothing. And if your family respects him for just living with you, then I don't have much respect for your family's values. Marry him. Sure, your family may not recognize the marriage, but that doesn't matter. It is God whom we seek to please.
God doesn't withhold blessings from those doing His will. Are you expecting Him to bless you while you ignore His commands? Be obedient, appologize to Him in pray for your sins, and then go on with your life. When God forgives, He doesn't hold the past against you.
