How do I overcome knowing my girlfriend had sex with other guys?
Question:
There are some troubling things that I have questions about my girlfriend.
I have known my girlfriend since senior high school. After she graduated she got into a relationship with a guy who was not attached to God. He pleased her flesh, but he also abused her at the end of the relationship. It was a tough time for her.
Right after this she got mixed up with a guy who was also not of God, and one thing lead to another. Her reasoning for this is that it wasn't supposed to happen, they were just friends, she didn't have anyone at the time and felt lonely. They had sex 4 to 5 times and then she felt convicted every time, so she removed herself because she knew that it was not right.
That is when we started to talk. In high school we liked one another, so we had a really good connection. She has expressed to me that she made a mistake and that it will not happen again. She knows how much the situations affect me. She also ended up pregnant by the last guy and he completely left her out in the cold.
My question is: How do I overcome my thought of her being with those other guys, as well as knowing how she has grown cold toward God? Is it bad for me to feel pushed away because of these things?
Answer:
You will have to make up your mind. If you are going to hold her past against her, especially if she has truly repented, changing her life around, then it is you who has lost sight of what Christianity is all about. "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 5:14-15).
What I would suggest is to date her for at least a year, so that you are confident that she has truly changed. Realize that isn't with those other boys for good reasons, and right now she thinks you are the superior choice. If she seems to lose focus on serving God or if she tries to get you to engage in sex with her, then you know she hasn't changed. If such is the case, end the relationship immediately.
