How do I help a family member who is not helping herself?

Question:

Hello!

I would like to know what the biblical approach to this problem is.

My husband and I are newly married. We’re just about getting by with our bills and debts with both of our incomes. At the same time, we’re trying to save for his green card process, which is expensive. We’re trying to save for a future home since we rent at my parents’ home. It has helped us to save more than we could if we lived somewhere else, but honestly, I now see why having a place of our own is healthier as a newlywed couple. Oh, and we want to save to expand our own little family in the future.

Here’s the concern I have. What should I do as a Christian woman in the following scenario? How much is too much help?? Or where should I draw the line?

My sister-in-law is an unmarried single mother. She already has an older teenager living in another country and a young teenager residing with her. Their dad isn’t in the picture. He stopped taking care of his family and left her with all the burden. Then, if I’m being brutally honest, she got pregnant by another man without thinking of the consequences. The child is still an infant. The baby’s dad was deported, and it turns out that he’s a married man in his home country; therefore, he can’t truly be with my sister-in-law. She knew he was a married man, but decided to sleep around with him anyway. He secretly calls her and tells her that he wants to be there for his baby.

She has been unemployed for almost a year. She has no income and “rents” a tiny bedroom at a relative’s home, where he has a family of his own. That relative had a serious talk with her after the baby was born about her getting a job and paying rent, since she’d been living rent-free for many months. She doesn’t have a car. I tried convincing her to try getting the dads into child support and applying for WIC, which she didn’t do. She takes everything with little urgency. Before she gave birth, she would constantly ask us for money because she didn’t have anything to eat or for her child. We did help them out multiple times. After the baby was born, she hasn’t asked us for money directly, but she will let me know when the baby needs something.

I tried helping her during her pregnancy by buying some baby things. I was with her during my niece’s birth and helped her with the transportation. So now, I try to help her here and there with formula or things the baby might need, but I’m not buying everything. I couldn’t afford it now!

It’s hard to feel the burden of trying to give her stuff when we’re trying to survive with our expenses. Also, on Saturdays I want to spend time alone with my husband because we work during the week, and on Sundays we’re mostly at church. That’s when she constantly wants us to do her favors during our off time, hence the weekend. She lives far away, and we never get a dime for gas. I know it’s wrong to expect anything in return, and I’m trying to keep my heart from expecting anything in return, since she is in a difficult position.

Not sure how to deal with all of this. I also find myself having a hard time giving as Jesus did, in the sense that it feels like we’re helping nonstop and putting our goals on the back burner to help someone else. I know I need to change many things in my heart posture, too. She isn’t Christian, but I’ve taken her to church many times. I know it’s wrong to feel this way. I feel incredibly guilty for it. She lives so far, and going to pick her up, pay for her lunch, take her to church, pay for her dinner, and then take her back home is a lot for us in one day. I feel awful since I know the right thing is to take souls to the church! But with our schedules and ministry, Sundays can get a little hectic!!

I, too, fear the day we move to our own place, she will try to move in with us if we attempt to get a place with multiple bedrooms. We plan a place with several rooms for our future children.

How do I approach this? Thanks!