How do I get my boyfriend to be a better Christian?
Question:
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years; and, yup, you guessed it, we fell into sexual sin within a year into our relationship. I want to stop. I know I can make it happen with the help of Christ. How else can I make this possible?
Also, I have another issue: my boyfriend believes in God, but I feel as if that's as far as his relationship with Christ has gone. I plan to marry this man. How do I encourage him to be more religious, and want to completely live his life for Christ? Is there anything to tell him? How do I pray for him?
Thank you so much for helping, and God bless!
Answer:
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5).
Jesus' words are often misapplied, but they well describe the situation you are in. You want him to be a real Christian, not one in word only. Yet, neither of you are living as Christians ought to live. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You have the log of fornication in your own eye, but you want your boyfriend to be more religious. What Jesus said is that you have to first clean up the sins in your own life, and then you have a base from which to help others clean up their lives.
You encourage others to live righteously by giving them a proper example of Christian living. "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (I Timothy 4:12).
Paul said, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). Sex is only allowed within the bounds of marriage, so the simple answer is to get married. But I detect that you aren't certain that he is someone you want to marry. Isn't it odd how a person is willing to have sex and risk pregnancy with someone she isn't willing to commit her life to?
You could get married within a few days in most places. But until you are certain that this is the man you want as a companion for life, move out if you have been living together, and stop the sex. Here you will run into a problem. If he isn't convinced that he has to follow God, he will constantly push for sex and undermine your resolve to live as a Christian ought.
One more thing to consider: You are thinking of marrying a boy based on what he could become. However, no one can make a person change, you can only encourage the change. Thus, you need to look at a person as they are, not as they could be, and from there decide if you want to be with him for the rest of your life -- even if he never changes. If he isn't suitable as a husband now, getting married won't change that fact.
