How do I deal with my son declaring he is a homosexual?
Question:
Good Morning
I’m struggling. Not long ago, my son announced that he is gay. We are members of the Lord's church and have been all my life, and he has been all his life. I have told him from day one that I do not support his decision and I cannot allow him to think I approve of his decisions.
We have talked about the Bible and he has told me that the Bible doesn’t really mean what it says. God will accept him as a homosexual and that everyone will go to heaven. It makes me so sad that he says these things because he knows the truth! I really don’t talk to him anymore because he won’t listen to the Scripture.
My husband still has interactions with him and my husband's family does too. They say they don’t approve of his lifestyle but still support him by way of money and saying he’s OK. When this all started, I took my son's car away and my husband's family gave him one. Now my husband wants to give it to our son and let him pay for it and, in a few months, put it in his name and take it out of our name.
I know this situation sounds so ridiculous, but I don’t know what to do. All I’m trying to do is get my son to realize that he needs to turn his life around by not helping him in any way. I’m praying that he will see what he needs to do. Please know I’m not giving up on him. Until very recently, I would try and talk to him. I would send him Scriptures, I pleaded with him, until the day he said the Bible didn’t mean what it really said and that God made him this way. Now I know God didn’t make him this way but did give him freedom of choice. I told him that and showed him in the Scripture so by the end of our conversation I was done. It made me so sick the way he was talking. I just told him to go live his life without me in it.
This is so hard. God is my first priority and I don’t want to disappoint Him. Am I handling this situation right? How do I do this?
Thank you.
Answer:
You describe a very difficult situation. Your son has declared that he sins and he is not embarrassed about it. Much like the children of Israel. "'Were they ashamed because of the abomination they have done? They were not even ashamed at all; they did not even know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time that I punish them, they shall be cast down,' says the LORD" (Jeremiah 6:15).
His unwillingness to accept the Scriptures as they are shows that he understands that God condemns his choice. He doesn't want to see himself in such a bad light, Thus, he has decided that God doesn't mean what He clearly states. He also decided to hide his choice and say that God made him a homosexual, so he can feel that he is not responsible.
Your husband's family think it is more important to keep communication open than to take a stand against sin. In this, they are much like the church in Corinth who accepted a man as a member who was having sex with his step-mother (I Corinthians 5) and they stand equally condemned. Sin is not cured by acceptance.
You didn't state how old your son is. Since he drives, I'm assuming he is at least 16. If he is of majority age, you do have the right to put him out of your house, though I suspect your husband would object. It does appear that any stand you take, your husband's family is going to undermine it. However, you still need to take a stand.
Continued ranting about this isn't going to get him to listen. You made your points and he refuses to listen. It should now be turned over to the church if he is a member. Perhaps he will listen to the elders, but if not the Bible is clear that he must be withdrawn from. At least at that point, he will see that it isn't just his parents who say he stands condemned.
Response:
Thank you for this. He is 18 years old. This is a very difficult situation and a very sad situation. It breaks my heart! But thank you.
