How do I deal with a friend who claims to be a Christian but doesn’t live like one?
Question:
Hello!
First thank you for creating this website. I've used the articles here to help answer some questions throughout the years.
I’ve been a doctrinally sound Christian for years and live every day for the Lord. Being a servant to the truth has been a challenge (no surprise there) but especially in regard to a friend of mine.
Ever since I transformed and ceased conforming to the world, it’s been difficult socializing with my old friends. After scoping their beliefs, most have outright denied Christ and are persistent in never changing. I’ve reconciled that if God's words can’t touch their hearts then mine will not have any effect.
However, there is one friend who is so close to being a Christian. He claims a love for God and believes in the deity of Christ, but when we started conversing, I found doctrinal errors in his thoughts. He thinks baptism doesn’t save, homosexuality is not a sin, and that you can be a good person and be saved. I attempted to point to the Scriptures, but he was stubborn and rejected every point. I found myself getting emotional and made every effort to remain calm, but in the end, we decided not to talk about it.
We still have many similar interests and he frequently asks to hang out and play games. I want to, but every time I do, his lifestyle (cursing, taking the Lord's name in vain, etc.) always creeps back in and gets me tense. I do not want to have anything to do with sin. I have enough temptation to deal with on my own. My desire is to possibly persuade him somehow by just being there for him, but if his heart has hardened to the truth then I fear there is nothing I can do. How do I draw that line? When do I make that conclusion?
Any insights are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Answer:
"I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one" (I Corinthians 5:9-11).
This passage has to be balanced with:
"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals'" (I Corinthians 15:33).
We cannot avoid interactions with all the sinful people in the world. Even if we could manage it, how would we be able to spread the Gospel message to the very people who need it most? But at the same time, we must acknowledge that the people we closely associate with will influence our behavior. The most dangerous are those who claim to be Christians but do not live godly lives. We naturally drop our guard around people we think are Christians. We trust them, but that also means we are vulnerable to being influenced by them if they are not what they appear to be.
Your friend is a Christian in name only. He claims Jesus as his Lord, but he ignores what Jesus commands. "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46). His disbelief is reflected in his profanity.
What I recommend is telling him directly that his use of your Lord's name in vain makes you very uncomfortable and you don't want that type of language in your life. You like spending time with him, but if he is going to continue to disrespect your God, then you can't hang out with him. Likely, he will get mad at you. But either he will decide to restrain himself so that he can spend time with you or he will find someone else.
Basically, it comes down to influence. If you are able to encourage a person to become a better person, then put effort into that relationship. If a person refuses to listen, there are many other people who will listen. Don't waste a lot of time with someone who is stubborn. "Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest. Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together" (John 4:35-36).
