Does God want me to lose everything?
Question:
Dear Pastor Hamilton:
Thank you for always answering emails throughout the many years. I'm writing you to say that I lost my job. I thought it was God's will for me to be at this job because it was only a block away from my home, it matched my job skills, and it gave me the same salary as my previous job. Even though I was only there for a month, it was very challenging to work there.
Then I was asked to resign from my position as the director said it wasn't a good fit. He also said that emails that were sent to him and my immediate supervisor were resistant to recommendations on how to run their program. It's my fault, it seems, that I'm out of a job.
In all my last years of work, I have never been asked to resign from a position. He said "We do not want to terminate you because we want you to have the opportunity to come back but maybe in a different position." He also said that he would offer me a professional recommendation if I needed it. I voluntarily resigned and since then I've been looking for a job.
I've been suicidal as I feel that every decade of my life it has been valleys that lasted years. My husband divorced me and left me for another. It took over a decade to finally realize he wasn't coming back. I raised my daughter alone. There were challenges but praise be to God she came through them. She graduated college and is doing great.
God has brought me through, but I don't want to go through the suffering of a job loss. Does God want me to lose my apartment and car and be delinquent in paying my bills? I don't need to lose everything to have faith. I feel this is what happens time and time again. I don't think I can do it this time. I'm trying not to think this way but so many applications and no offers. I have saved enough to get through several months. My family said they would help. My church has a fund to help members. I keep asking God -- begging him. -- Lord, not this way. Is He mad at me for not trusting?
Yesterday, while coming from church, my daughter said, "I can't wait until God sends my future husband to find me." She said, "I think he would really like you, Mom." I felt bad as I was thinking, "Well, I don't think I'll be here to meet him."
The idea of the valley starting over is too much. The years are too much to consider. Pray for me.
Answer:
I'm really sorry that you've lost what you thought would be a good job. It is always difficult to lose a job and it is difficult to face the unknowns of the future.
Job lost everything except his life. He wasn't told why, though he wanted to know the reason. But one of the points of Job is that we live life as it comes. "He said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD'" (Job 1:21). You are not starving. You have a place to live. You have family and friends who will support you. You might have to take a lower-paying job in order to continue paying your bills. If that is what is necessary, then it remains doable. It might not be your dream or convenient, but you are still alive and can make changes as the opportunities arise. But what we can be certain of is that God cares for His children. "I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread" (Psalms 37:25).
I pray that you find employment soon and peace in your life.
Response:
Thank you so much. I have two interviews this week. Thank you for praying. I will let you know how the Lord always keeps his promises even when we don't see.
