Does cohabitation create a marriage?
Question:
Does cohabitation with sex make a marriage?
A lot of Christians think so. They say that when you go live with someone and have sex, that's a marriage according to the Bible because, in the Old Testament, that's how marriages were made. They give the case of Isaac and Rebecca. They say the Bible doesn't specify how marriage is celebrated, only that a man and a woman live together, have sexual relations, and claim they're husband and wife.
Answer:
The Bible is clear that the covenant between a man and a woman forms marriage. "Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14). A covenant is a solemn agreement between two parties. It is somewhat similar to our idea of a contract but carries a deeper meaning and weight than our modern-day contracts. (See the sermon outline "Covenants" for more details.) One aspect of the marriage covenant is that God serves as a witness to the covenant. Jesus alluded to this when he said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). Thus, it is the vows made by a man and woman that join them together into a new unit. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Notice the steps:
- A man leaves his parents,
- a man joins (marries) his wife, and
- the two individuals become one.
The last step includes the concept of the act of sex, but it is so much more than just sex. The two bond so tightly that they behave as one person, a person different from either of them individually but which doesn't exist without them both.
But notice that the passage says, "and the two shall become one flesh" and does not say they are one flesh. It is a process that begins after marriage and continues through marriage.
What you have are people who are making assumptions when something is not mentioned. "Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and he took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her; thus Isaac was comforted after his mother's death" (Genesis 24:67). This verse doesn't say how she became his wife, only that she did. To assume that it was only by moving in with each other is not a necessary conclusion. Malachi 2:14 remains, telling us how marriages are made. See Marriage Covenants for more details.
