Question:

It has been over a year and I did take your advice in not continuing to be with this man.

We recently reconnected some months ago, since the military has brought him to the city I live in and I've just been thinking a lot about what happened. I told him last year that I couldn't be sure that he was forgiven for what he did because I don't know if he only repented because of me or if it's truly what he wanted to do. I also told him, it's just such a confusing situation that if I were to continue to be with him I would always wonder if he was justified in leaving his first marriage.

Here's my problem, I've been extremely unhappy since we split over a year, and now that he's back in town, I don't know that I want to continue to be unhappy without him. I live a blessed life, but it always seems better or more blessed when he's in it.

He told me that after we split, he spoke with his wife and explained to her that he wanted to try to make their marriage work because he didn't want to be condemned for divorcing her. She agreed, and then cheated on him again. I am a little more confident in knowing he tried and failed, but since he entered the marriage with ill intent, I find it hard to be truly comforted in my choice to potentially be with him again one day.

I would also like to add, that at no point during their marriage were they physically together. He was stationed in another country and she was living in this country with her children (not his). Even after we broke up, they never met. All conversations took place over the phone and they did end up divorcing earlier this year before he ever left Japan. He proposed that they try their marriage again and they ended their marriage after she continued other relationships and he did not, all over the phone. I'm not sure this matters, but I just wanted you to have some context.

Do you have any advice for me? Maybe scriptures that can help me to feel more confident about what and how I'm to deal with this. Please let me know if you have any further questions that may help you to help me.

Best.

Answer:

Please remember that I've only talked to you. I only know what you've told me about this situation. Your personal feelings can be distracting. You have to look at situations like this from the perspective of God's Law and not your feelings.

It does sound like that he tried to straighten out his past sins, which indicates repentance on his part. Unfortunately, his former wife continued her sins. He had a right to divorce her and it does allow him to marry again (Matthew 19:9). People do change and it sounds like he has changed for the better.

While I would suggest continuing to be cautious, I don't see a reason why you two can't pursue the idea of getting married in the future.

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