Do I need to get baptized again?
Question:
Hello,
I grew up in the church of Christ. I was first baptized around age 12. I later was baptized again because I became unsure if I did it for the correct reasons the first time. I thought I did it more out of fear of hell than belief and love of God. I still have doubts about my baptism. I have been baptized 4 times. Yet I still come up with doubts or reasons as to why I may need to do it again. I even wrote down why I wanted to be baptized the last time so I could reference it when/if doubts arose. After the last time, I started wondering what if I didn't go entirely under the water, what if my arm came up? Then most recently after reading about Philip and the eunuch I started doubting again. He told the eunuch "If you believe with all your heart, you may." So I wonder did I believe with all my heart? I believed, yes, but my belief has definitely grown.
I wanted to reach out and seek your direction. Thank you for what you do.
Answer:
You are suffering from scrupulosity, a form of OCD. In reality, all OCDs are an unreasonable aversion to risks. You have convinced yourself that you have to be absolutely perfect because that is the only way God would accept you. Thus, to make sure there are no risks to being saved, you add rules for yourself to various tasks, such as baptism, and then analyze every moment to make sure you did the tasks perfectly. See Scrupulosity.
The facts are that you were baptized, just as God said was needed to be done. You had faith because you volunteered to be baptized. No one forced you to be baptized.
Deciding you had a flawless baptism doesn't make you more of a Christian. Making up rules that God didn't say is adding to His word (Proverbs 30:6). God is not looking to keep you out of heaven. He wants everyone to be saved (I Timothy 2:4).
"Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, of instruction about washings and laying on of hands, and the resurrection of the dead and eternal judgment" (Hebrews 6:1-2). Because you are stuck reviewing your past, you are not maturing as a Christian.
