Did God cause our break-up because of our sins?


My girlfriend and I were together for just over a year. After two months of being together, we, unfortunately, committed fornication. We both know that it is wrong but we fell into the temptation countless times. There would be times that we would stop because it was bad, but we would just do it again.

Sadly, we broke up after a year, and it just has me thinking it was because of our sin. After our breakup, I’ve just been praying and praying to God to forgive me for committing that sin over and over again. I hate that it took us breaking up for me to realize that it needed to stop much sooner. I really care for this woman. My sins say otherwise, but I did and we had plans to marry. We are just so young and haven’t started our careers yet. We had problems, just like every relationship has, but I don’t think that’s the actual reason we broke up.

My question is: Did God break up our relationship so that we could realize we needed to seriously stop? Is there hope for us getting back together?


One of the things that struck me as I was reading your note is that there is no mention of why your girlfriend decided to break up with you. I gather that you didn't end the relationship because you were content for things to continue, even though you knew it was wrong. Thus, I conclude that it was your girlfriend's decision, but you asked me why God caused the break-up.

God states that having sex when you are not married is a sin. Actions are labeled as sinful because they cause harm, whether you recognize it or not. The obvious dangers of sex before marriage are pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, but there are also more subtle problems.

Once sex becomes a part of a relationship, it quickly becomes dominant. You end up spending a lot of time either in bed or thinking about the next time you can do it again. But what you don't see is that you aren't spending nearly enough time getting to know the other person. As evidence, you are dumbfounded that the relationship ended. You know that it was struggling because you were having arguments, but you discounted them because you still eventually ended up in bed together. You were so focused on sex that you didn't see what was happening from her point of view.

Take a look at Love is Different. Check off the items in the two columns that best describe your relationship toward the end. I suspect that you will find far more items in the "Lust" column than in the "Love" column. Lust doesn't create a long-lasting, stable relationship. That is why the heroine in Song of Solomon warned, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7). Love takes time to grow and develop. When you try to rush it, such as by having sex, you end up losing it. It is like rushing up to a deer or a gazelle and then being surprised it doesn't stay around to nuzzle you.

Therefore, it is better to say that God warned you that something like this could happen than to say that God caused you misery. You caused your own misery, God warned you not to go there.

I have no idea if she will change her mind since I don't know why she decided to leave. However, you have the right idea. You need to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. You have sinned against God and found out that God was right, so change and become a godly man.


She recently told me the reasons she gave me were made up. She says the real reason was that I wasn’t consistent in the small things. I wasn't always a gentleman, but there would be little sparks of it. She said I didn't treat a girl right because I didn't always do them. She says there would be times when I would open her door, or offer to pump her gas, and some of the things I did she didn't like. But she never expressed this to me. I would've fixed them if I knew it was causing her to fall out of love.

I do feel like sex is why we couldn’t talk and resolve these reasons. I just keep praying God will forgive us and give us another chance to do things right. Should I still be hopeful? I pray that we get another chance to do things right and to put God first in our relationship.


I can't predict what another person will or will not do. She has to make up her mind about whether to give you another chance or not. You would be better off assuming that you will have to find a new girlfriend.

Meanwhile, she did give you good advice. You can tell a lot about a person by their actions in small things. Use what you have learned to treat your next girlfriend better.

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