Can I have sex with a woman who is willing and cannot get pregnant?
Question:
I got married to an unfaithful woman. I guess having it her way counts as unfaithfulness? My dad and others where we were living did not want us together as she:
- Had 16 boyfriends before me
- Did not pay her rent or telephone bills
- Had a lot of medical problems that she told me she will take care of. I think she was faking it.
- Ordered me around
- Did not want to get rid of her stuff to let me move in with her, it was so crowded that I could not move.
- I was nice in helping her out, but she took advantage of me [I gave her money to help her with her rent, so she spent it on herself and told me God will take care of it.
- I caught her asking people at church for money to help her out. More likely to help her hang out at the mall.
So I broke it off, asked my dad for help, and I divorced her several years ago.
I have a girlfriend [friend] now who is Jewish. She has no uterus. Since I am divorced and she cannot get pregnant and she wants it, is it OK for me to do it or not?
Thanks and blessings.
Answer:
Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). Since the reasons you divorced your wife do not include that she was having sex with people other than you, you do not have a right to another marriage. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I'm sorry that you picked a bad woman to marry, but you knew what you were getting into.
But you are not even talking about getting married again. You want to have sex with a woman you are not married to. Since you are still bound by your original marriage covenant, this would be a matter of adultery. Even if the marriage covenant wasn't there, it would still be fornication. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
What makes sex outside of marriage a sin is not whether it is done without consent -- that would be rape. Even prostitutes willingly offer sex in exchange for money, yet God is clear that prostitution is wrong. "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not!" (I Corinthians 6:15).
The fact that she cannot get pregnant doesn't excuse sex outside of marriage. It is the act that is wrong, not whether there will be consequences to that act.
Question:
I was thinking about this all last night, and I decided not to do it anyway. But if she was unfaithful how can it be adultery? My dad told me since I got married in a courthouse [no church or pastor or reading of the Bible] without a pastor there, then I am not married in the eyes of God, but of man.
Answer:
I'm glad you decided to follow God's laws. Your wife wasn't a good wife, but "unfaithful" means she was having sex with someone other than you. Because that wasn't the case if you got married again, it would be considered adultery. If you had sex with a woman without being married, it would still be considered adultery.
I'm sorry, but God doesn't require marriages to be done in a church or with a preacher or that verses have to be read. In fact, Paul talks about Christians who were married to non-believers and the fact that they did not have to leave their unbelieving spouses (I Corinthians 7:12-15). This situation could come up when two unbelievers married and then one became a Christian. Paul's point is that they are still married.
You took a vow before God that day and that marriage vow still stands.
