Am I being used by this man?


I really have a feeling what all your answers are going to be. I just need to know if there is any hope for the relationship I am in.

We met at work and I ended up having to spend part of the day being his monitor. So we really got to spend some time together getting to know each other. We became great friends, and I made it clear in a conversation that I was not looking for a boyfriend, that I'm ready to settle down in life. I played enough of the games. He made it clear that he was in the middle of leaving his wife. He had been saving money without her knowledge to use for the move and divorce for two years.

One thing that attracted me to him was how much of a father is was to his kids. Seems something rare anymore that there are hands-on dads. Anyway, we started talking outside of work, and feelings got involved. He told me that he could breathe better when he was around me. Promised that he was going to push harder now to get out of the house and marriage to be with me. I made sure that I didn't want him to leave for me that he left because that's what he wanted before I ever came along.

We are over a year into this relationship and the only thing that has changed is (what he says) he no longer sleeps in their bed, he sleeps downstairs in the man cave. He doesn't hug, kiss, anything intimate with her anymore since we been together. I get to spend time with him after work for a few hours, then he goes home. The wife works the third shift, but the girls are there and they think he is working over. Maybe if I'm lucky I will see him for a bit on the weekends.

Well, something is always going on. I have begged him to go to church with me. He says he's not comfortable going to church since his mother died. He went with her all the time I guess. He's worried that he will start crying with the music and what will people think. I assure him that it would be the spirit touching him and to not deny it. That no one would say anything. I go to a small church in the country. I told him he could at least go with me to see if he even likes my church because I know that not every church is for everyone, but to please at least try it.

My children know him and spend time with him. This is the first man that my daughter actually likes. Which is a big deal since she was molested a few years back by her grandfather and ever since she is against men, but this one, she likes. My boys love him. My oldest says he's never seen me smile as much as he makes me smile.

He says the only reason that he is still living in the house is he is afraid that he will lose his relationship with his daughters -- that they will hate him. I recently found out that his girls have lived an extremely sheltered life. If he was to die today they wouldn't know what they need to know to even head in the right direction to survive on their own. Daddy fixes all.

I told him that I have never felt anything the way I feel for him. For the first time in my life, I have butterflies. But after a year, no progress. I feel like I am missing out on my blessings because of being with him. He feels God sent me to him and justifies it by saying that he has not been in love with his wife for two years, the only thing that kept him there were the kids and the only thing that connects him to his wife is the marriage license. No feelings at all.

My life is in turmoil. I have a lot of demons coming at me and also at my children.  My oldest son is a deacon in training. My daughter has PTSD and anger issues from the trauma she went through. It has become out of control that she is violent toward any male who offends her in the slightest way. My youngest has severe ODD, so you never know what's coming next with him. But on top of being a single mother of all these blessings, I really feel that being unequally yoked is smacking me in my face. He has told me he would go to church with me before we ever started dating. I'm tired of being a secret. No family functions, no in-town visits, but he appreciates me being strong and standing by him and supporting him through this. Everything I put up with our situation, he states he is a man and has needs and as his woman, it's my job to take care of him. He does provide for me and my kids, but it makes me feel like a whore sometimes. And I have told him that if that's how it's going to be, I should just go make more money than what he gives. I get mean and I never sugar coat things. But is it really possible since he says that there is nothing but a document holding them together and the one thing he doesn't want to hurt is his girls, but he doesn't want to live without me? He knows God has sent me to him. That he never loved his wife the way he loves me. Would God really put me in this crazy situation?


"Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone" (James 1:13).

You are committing adultery with a married man. I don't care about all the excuses offered or the feeble attempts at justifying what is unjustifiable. Even if he did divorce his wife, the fact of the matter is that he cannot by God's law remarry because he is the adulterer in the divorce. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).

You are living a life of sin and pretending that this is somehow acceptable to God, despite the clear statements of God against what you are doing. What part of "You shall not commit adultery" do you not understand? (Romans 13:9). "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

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