A man got me pregnant and now won’t marry me or support the child. What do I do?


Good day sir,

I am a single lady, in my late twenties, who was impregnated by a man in his early thirties. Initially, when he found out I was pregnant, he accepted responsibility and promised to marry me. But shortly afterward he changed his mind saying he never planned to marry me. However, my parents have vowed to make him marry me by all means, but he's being stubborn and he keeps asking me to get rid of the pregnancy or give birth outside wedlock. I can't give birth outside wedlock because I know it's bad for the child, neither can I abort the pregnancy. I am in a dilemma at the moment, and I don't know what to do. He says it's not that he doesn't love me, but he has another girl whom he has been with for a long time and he wants to marry.

Please advise me because he's not even willing to support me through the pregnancy nor after the baby is born.



I could not find a clear answer in regards to a father's responsibilities in your country. In my country, a man who fathers a child has no choice regarding whether he must support his child, regardless of whether he marries the mother or not. The government enforces this by seizing a part of his wages if the father does not pay to support his child.

Having a child outside of wedlock is not a sin. It is having sex outside of wedlock that is sinful. The pregnancy was a side-effect of the fact that you have been sinning. The problem is that most people don't like to have strong evidence that they sinned around them. It has a social stigma, but you did choose this from the time you decided to have sex with someone you were not married to.

Aborting the child is not an option for Christians. The child is a human being and has done nothing wrong. To kill an innocent human being is a grave sin. "These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: ... Hands that shed innocent blood ..." (Proverbs 6:16-17).

If you are not able to support the child you made because of your sexual sin, then arrange to have the child adopted. There are many people who are unable to have children who long to adopt a child. So turn your sorrow into a joy for someone else.

One of the reasons sex belongs only in marriage (Hebrews 13:4) is because there is no commitment. You've been having sex with a man who is a bum. He's been having sex with you and another woman. However, he doesn't want responsibilities for his sins. Clearly, such a bum is not good husband material for any woman.

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