Will We Save This Marriage?

by Floyd Chappelear
via Sentry Magazine, Vol. 17 No. 1, 31 March 1991

About a third of the marriages contracted in the United States of America end in divorce. People seem to be unmindful of the fact
that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) or, if mindful of the fact, unconcerned about it. Although the divorce rate among saints is significantly lower than that of the general population, it is still too high.

It is my conviction that preaching and teaching need to be done to prevent divorce, not merely to condemn it. To use a popular figure, it is better to secure the barn before the horse escapes rather than to bemoan the fact that it is gone. With that thought in mind, I hope this article will serve as the first in a series addressing problems in marriage.

Leading Causes of Divorce

Experts disagree as to what the single greatest factor in the breakdown of marriages is, but most will agree that the two biggest problems involve sex and money. Perhaps in the future I will present material dealing with problems of sexuality in marriage, but this column will focus on money and its management.

Christians should be mindful of the principles of financial stewardship. Each needs to know that God expects a man to provide for those who are his (beginning with Adam, continuing to us all -- Genesis 3:17-19; I Timothy 5:8). This responsibility cannot be evaded or somehow passed to another (even a willing wife). This may even require that all develop a sense of acceptance, whether in conditions which abase or abound (Philippians 4:12). Being free from greed goes a long way toward learning to manage what funds we do have. With these few thoughts in mind, I would like to present some stewardship principles that will make it easier for us to manage our finances and eliminate the difficulties that may arise in a marriage due to a lack of it.

Managing Money

While I do not consider myself an expert in managing money, I would like to present some principles that should make it easier for Christians to navigate this life.

1. The only absolute is the budget, so that we can give to God first. Too many people give to God what is left, rather than what is best. Never should we give to God what costs us nothing is a principle clearly taught by David (see II Samuel 24:24). While I will not strive to prove my point at this juncture, I believe the Christian should begin his giving to God by laying aside his tithe to carry on the work of the Lord.
2. Second, pay yourself something. The foolish steward was rebuked by his master for not having, at the least, put his money with the bankers (Matthew 25:27). Years ago, a sister told me, when I was not attempting to save anything, "Put 10% of your paycheck away every month." It took me years to see the wisdom of that advice. If you can't save any other way, consider buying a house and view your house payment as a way to pay yourself something each month. Better yet, buy a house and still set aside some money for the future.
3. Don’t consider what you have as yours! Be ready to give to him who asks you (Matthew 5:42), and be ready to loan to him who would borrow. Several years ago, I was passing through a town. While there, I preached at the local church. Afterward, the pastors gave me a check for the sermon. I refused, but they insisted that I take it. Frankly, I didn’t need the money, so I told the elders to give the check to a brother who was in need in that congregation. (I endorsed it, and they gave it to him.) Later, I took note of the fact that the brother had never thanked me for the gift. However, a year later, I received a check from him thanking me for the money and returning it to me, saying that I would probably know someone else who needed it more than he did. What a good heart that brother has.
4. Don’t charge things you use up. Especially, don’t charge meals, gas, food, lodging, etc., unless you budget to pay those items in full when the bill first arrives. If you want unmanageable financial problems, allow your credit card bill to increase each month. Charge only needed durable goods. Do not keep more than one Mastercard/Visa/Discover card, etc. More than one invites disaster. Use a no-fee card by paying the bill in full when it arrives. You are charging electricity, gas, water, etc., when you contract for utilities. Therefore, learn to conserve. Turn off lights, decrease your thermostat setting at night, stop leaks, and do whatever else you can to minimize your charges for "used up" items.
5. Don’t buy what you don’t need. Do you need a Luxury car when a less expensive one will do? If you are charging that luxury item, you are burdening yourself more than necessary. At the same time, one can be penny-wise and pound-foolish. In other words, buying cheaper goods doesn’t always make sense. If you buy three cheap shirts that give you no more wear than one good one would, you have not saved anything. Especially if you pay more for the three than you would have for the one. Too, do you really need the premium unleaded gasoline? Very few cars need the extra octane. Read your manual; if it says you can get along without it, then don’t use it. Driving an untuned car is a luxury. Get a tuneup, or learn to do some of the service tasks yourself. When on a tight budget, the more you do for yourself, the better off you are. Don’t hire someone to do what you can do yourself.
6. Learn to distinguish between wants and needs. Every member of the family will have to help here. That lesson learned about greed will come in handy here. When you are buying something you truly need, don’t hesitate to get the best price. Don’t be shy about stating that you would like to buy an item if the price were lower. Many store owners will lower the price rather than have you shop elsewhere. (If you truly know the price is lower at another store, tell the manager/owner/clerk.) I’ve even asked the manager if he would offer me a lower price if I paid cash rather than using my credit card. Remember, the Card Service Companies charge a fee for the store to use their services. It sometimes pays the store to lower the price a little and get their money up front.

I could go on and give all the financial advice I regularly give to newlyweds. However, for now, I will close by providing the following:

"For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows" (I Timothy 6:10).

and

"Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life" (I Timothy 6:17-19).