Should I break up with my boyfriend?

Question:

I hope this message finds you well. I’m reaching out because I need guidance and advice regarding my current relationship and spiritual walk.

Here’s my situation:

My boyfriend and I met at university. He had set up his business there, and I was still a student. We became good friends, although he never made any advances, and I saw him as a genuinely good friend.

At that time, I was deeply seeking God and growing in my relationship with Him. My boyfriend (who was just a friend then) was also committed to his walk with Christ. He encouraged me and even helped me find a church since I didn’t have a home church yet.

When COVID happened, he had to move hours away because his business relied on the university being open. Despite the distance, we stayed in touch.

After COVID, I was fortunate to get a good job and move into my own place. But during this time, I started falling away from God and struggled with masturbation. I was still keeping in touch with him, and even at one point when my sin became unbearable, I confessed my struggles to him. He encouraged me and sent over resources to help me get over my sin.

Eventually, while still living far away, he told me he had feelings for me. I wasn’t sure how I felt, so I asked him to wait while I prayed and figured it out. He agreed, and we continued as long-distance friends.

Later, he was able to move back, but by then, he was starting over with no job. He was staying with a family member, so he was the one who visited me often. I was still struggling spiritually but had started trying to rebuild my relationship with God.

During one of his visits, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I said yes a few days later, but looking back, I think I was not ready because I was still struggling with my own sin.

Soon after we started dating, he initiated physical intimacy—not all the way, but still in ways we knew were wrong.

Now, three years later, we’re still dating. Last year, we decided to stop doing anything that was pulling us away from God and damaging our relationship. This year has been much better, but there are still moments when he crosses boundaries, and it causes me to struggle.

We haven’t fallen completely, but I feel like I’m constantly fighting alone to keep our relationship right before God.

He’s a kind man and has always been my biggest supporter. He’s been there for me in some of my hardest moments, and I know I can count on him. I love him deeply.

But I feel like we started this relationship before it was time. Instead of drawing us closer to God, it created a lot of brokenness that we are now trying to fix.

I also have doubts. I don’t want to enter marriage with lust still being an issue because I know it will lead to bigger problems later.

Right now, he isn’t financially stable because his business hasn’t picked up since after COVID. So, while marriage is something we’ve talked about and both want, it’s not an option for at least a few more years.

I feel led to ask for a break to seek God personally in our individual lives and to address the issues we’ve been struggling with.

In every other way, he’s a wonderful person. He’s loving, caring, generous, and gets along well with my younger siblings.

But I feel like he’s no longer able to lead our future family spiritually, and I also know I’m not ready spiritually or emotionally.

I would gladly appreciate any advice you have for me or my situation.