I know pornography is wrong, but I can’t seem to defeat this sin
Question:
Hi there,
I want to start by explaining my situation. I'm 21 years old and was raised in church my whole life but I never really surrendered my life to Jesus and truly believed in him until this past year. I have been able to turn from many sins and things I used to do wrong in the past, but there is one thing I haven't been able to walk away from and that is pornography. I have been addicted to this sin since I was 12 years old.
Jesus knows I have truly given my all and tried everything to stop. I have confessed it to close people in my church and also to my parents but I'm at the point that I feel that if I tell them about my continued mess-ups, I would disappoint them because I haven't been able to overcome this even after I have told them that I'm not struggling with it anymore. I feel too shameful to confess to them anymore. I pray daily about this but no matter how hard I have tried it seems that every time I stand against this sin, I end up failing even harder. The things that this sin has caused me to see and practice and the past and present are horrible and I feel disgusting every time.
My question is: Can Jesus still continue to forgive me even if I haven't been able to walk away from this addiction, and I keep failing him? I feel like every time I go and pray for repentance about this, he may question my honesty since I fail him continuously.
I know this is wrong but I can't seem to defeat this sin, and I'm at the point where I feel like just giving up because I don't know if Jesus still listens to my prayers of repentance anymore. I also ask for prayer for my life because I am going through a hard time right now and this sin is only making things worse.
Thank you.
Answer:
There are a few things I would like to point out to you.
First, there is an inconsistency in your approach to following Christ. You've made changes, but I noted that you told your parents that you are not struggling with pornography anymore, while you continue to indulge in this lust. That is lying (Revelation 21:8). If you are going to overcome sin, you can't hide it. David noted that it is tough to hide sin. "When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"; and You forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found; surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him" (Psalms 32:3-6). I think this is one reason we are encouraged to talk to others about the sins we struggle against. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much" (James 5:16). But people can't help you if you are not willing to be open with them. People are not mindreaders. Find people you trust to give your good advice, and who are willing to work with you through all your slips.
Second, you talk about repenting, and by that, I gather you stop for a little while and then fall back into it. Repentance is about making changes. What changes have you made in your life to make pornography harder to access or changes to yourself so that you don't rely on pornography?
Finally, you note that overcoming this sin is difficult. No doubt about that. But look at the excuses you are giving yourself to stop trying. Work on small steps at a time. Celebrate each improvement. Don't excuse the slips but pick yourself up, make a few more changes, and try again. "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16).
Will Jesus forgive? Yes, if you turn from sin, he will forgive. "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him" (Luke 17:4). Jesus expects that of us because it is what he offers to us.
