I keep repeating my sexual sins
Question:
I am 27 years old. I am unworthy to say I am a Christian, but I have the knowledge of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. I was baptized and have been going to church for more than 20 years. I am working and received many of God's blessings in my career.
I am addicted to lust. I watch porn, then I'll repent and ask God for forgiveness. After a few days, I will do the same sin again. This has been happening in my life for about ten years.
In addition to the above sins, recently I had time to get close to my best college friend. We were close friends. She is three years older than me and a Hindu girl. She didn't have the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Knowing all this I fell in love with her, and I cheated on my ex-girlfriend. She cursed me and left my life.
My love for my college friend has gone too deep. Even she knows I left my girlfriend after getting close to her. She hesitated at first, but she too loved me. We had sex. I know I am sinning against God. I prayed and apologized, but I failed again. I can't take a firm decision to stay away from having sex with her. Without getting married, we have lived in a relationship for eight months. Finally, I had a feeling that she was not the right girl for me, so I told her I can't marry her. If I want to marry her, she needed to convert to Christianity. She agreed and started going to church.
But still, I don't have the confidence to convince my parents, pastor, or church, so I decided to cheat on her. But she's not ready to let me go. She said she's willing to do anything to marry me. I am scared that if I tell my parents and church that she's three years older than me, they will take me wrong and mock me.
I know I sinned against God. I lost his presence in my life because of my sin. I lost the blessings in my life. Now I am confused. I don't know what to do. Please help me. Give me your advice. Please pray for me. I turned back from where I fell, but still, she met me and we sinned again. I am staying away from her now. I don't know how to handle this. I know that I failed. I lost the presence of God in my life. Please help me.
Please advise me on this.
Answer:
While you say you know you are sinning, your actions state that you don't care much. I suspect that you make most of your decisions based on your current feelings and not from a rational point of view. You live in the present without thinking much about your future.
In both the case of your former girlfriend and your current girlfriend, when you decided to leave them, you did so by having sex with another girl. You claim you regret your sin, but you turn to sin as the means to manipulate your situation. You don't want to be the one to tell the girl to leave, so you try to get her so mad that she will leave you. That worked with the first girlfriend but not the second one.
Your current girlfriend is using sex as a means of keeping you with her. She knows you won't stop, so she makes herself freely available. She is quite willing to pretend to be a Christian along with you, so long as she is able to keep you around.
I don't know if this is really about you trying to live righteously, or whether you are using this as an excuse to leave the current girl because you've gotten tired of her. It is clear that appearances are more important to you than truth.
The answer to your question about what you should do is straightforward. You have to stop this pretense of being a Christian. Decide to be a real follower of God. Decide that it doesn't matter what your body craves, God alone matters. "Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).
It will be difficult, but if you are sincere it is doable. It means moving out on your own. It means giving up not only sex but also all the things that lead up to it. It means focusing on serving God and others instead of yourself.
Question:
Hi Jeffrey,
I will follow your instructions. I will be sincere hereafter. I will accept god and serve Him truly and sincerely. I will lead my life without any mistakes hereafter.
But now my question is shall I marry this girl? Will my parents accept her if I tell them about her? Will my pastor in my church accept her? My concern is that she is 3 years older than me and she is a Hindu girl, but now she is going to church and is interested in being baptized. I feel I am cheating on her and blaming her without any reason. I told her I can't marry you like this, but she is not going away. She loves me so much. But I am very much scared to tell this matter to my parents and to my pastor and convince them to allow a marriage. What should I do now?
Please help me with a good solution. Shall I leave her? It will cause a large amount of lifelong guilt. She is a very good girl. but I am cheating on her and hurting her more. I am a coward. I can't explain this matter to my parents. If I leave her, she will get hurt by me. If I don't, my parents will get hurt. Must I accept her or reject her? How to solve this problem?
Please help me with what I have to do now.
Answer:
I can't make your decisions for you. I can only advise you on how to make a good decision.
I find it odd that you were willing to live with a girl and have sex with her for almost a year, but when it comes to living righteously, you are afraid to tell people of your choice. You act as if you are willing to use another person for your own sexual gratification, but you aren't willing to be responsible.
The age makes no difference. You are using this as an excuse to not talk to your parents -- not that you need your parents' permission to marry.
What you have to do is settle down and quit sinning. "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). If she sincerely wants to be a Christian, then you have offered no reason not to marry her.
